Support Your Local Girl Gang: Finding the Beauty Within Yourself Through a Boudoir Lens (Revisited)

Canna Flavor of the Day: Stingers Frankenstein infused pre-roll

Music Vibes: Unstoppable-Sia

Before I go any further, I want to acknowledge that M is no longer in the boudoir business. I’ve personally spoken with women who felt hurt or wronged by their experience, and I don’t minimize or dismiss those stories in any way. I truly hope for healing and resolution for everyone involved.

What I’m sharing here is my experience — one that was empowering, healing, and deeply impactful for me at that time in my life. I’ve removed her full name and business name out of respect & because this story is ultimately about self-trust, confidence, and learning to be bold in your own body.

This experience taught me that stepping in front of a boudoir lens isn’t about perfection — it’s about seeing yourself with honesty, softness, and strength. I want to say that I had been fangirling and social media stalking M for quite a while before my photoshoot, full of anxious energy of wanting to interview this genuine, Beautiful soul. I'm not sure how I came across her page, but I had been looking for photographers who do Boudoir shoots because I love the sexy look & had it on my life bucket list, but never had the confidence.

Ladies!!! FUCKING BOOK THE SHOOT. Even if you’re scared. Especially if you’re scared.

It is totally worth it, & once you see the results of the photographer's magic, you will feel like the badass you are.

Then M happened, I saw her first live on Facebook & I saw her smile and her sweet attitude, a badass that doesn't know she's a badass & I fell in love with her and her mission. (It all goes to show that not everyone is how they portray themselves online, & although I still think she's a badass, I am saddened to think she might have lost sight of her own mission.) I was inspired by how she wanted to make women of all shapes, sizes, & colors feel special and good about themselves inside and out. I just had to interview her for the blog! I did reach out for an interview, & we talked about it. I even wrote questions for it, but for some reason or another, it didn't happen. We're both busy moms; she's got her photography business that's skyrocketing, & I'm trying to turn my blog into a business, but we've kept in touch & I knew I'd like her right away if we ever met.

I was right.

I've always seen M post pictures and posts for model calls, & I would look on with envy and admiration for her and the ladies who got to be photographed by her, amazed by the beauty. One day, she posted about a model call with limited spots open, & I dove in & emailed her, not thinking that I would be picked, but praying that the right people were. That's what I always do if I enter something. I don't expect to be chosen because I usually never am, but I silently pray that the person who needs it most will be. I guess I was one of those people this time because, after thinking I wasn't selected, as a friend had received an email the day before, I got my own email!!

I even got multiple emails up to the point, guiding me and letting me know what to expect, which was appreciated. I was nervous, but the emails helped ease my mind. I love that she shows items in her client closet and where to buy lingerie locally.

I slowly got more nervous as the day came, knowing I have stretch marks, rolls, and butt acne.....I exfoliated my butt, I worked out a little more (not much), but I was still self-conscious about the flaws that I do have, but want to hide. I know we all have some type of flaws, & I embrace most of mine, but that doesn't make me feel any less vulnerable, even though I post a lot of shit for the world to see. The night before the shoot, I did a little self-care: a shower, exfoliated my face and ass, then a charcoal face mask, a blackhead nose strip, and some pore minimizer...

I promise you, all of that self-care the night before & I still looked pretty frightening when I looked in the mirror after waking up the next morning, but I felt good. Luckily, I did very little prep for the shoot the morning of, because I didn't have to. Hair & makeup were already going to be handled by a pro. Even though I woke up to another geriatric doggo accident, I still had a positive outlook and turned on Fleetwood Mac radio while I smoked Grape Stomper OG and drank some green tea until it was ready to head to the studio.

No lies, I was more nervous about meeting M, the woman that I've been fangirling over for quite some time, than my actual shoot.

The second I saw her, I knew she'd be a quick friend, & we gave each other a big hug (awkward because that's how I roll) and I liked her right away. Then I met MVF, the fantabulous hair/makeup artist, & I slowly lost my nervousness, as I sat in the chair and she got to work. We visited briefly, then M disappeared into the room behind me, doing her thang. MVF was so efficient and knowledgeable about makeup & makeup hacks that it was fun getting my makeup done. As we visited, I could tell that I was in front of another genuine soul. I had been following MVF a little bit, not as long as I have M, but I love every look I've seen her do. She can do crazy colors or neutrals, & the end result is always a work of art. Even though I forgot I was getting my face done and started dancing to the music in my chair, it didn't faze her perfectly done look.

MVF gave me some good advice, which is her makeup motto, "Trust the process." That phrase ended up meaning more to me than she probably realized. I have a friend who even got me a cup that says the phrase. Life continually reminds me to "trust the process."

I didn't get very many sneak peeks of my makeup as it was getting done, but I knew I was in good hands. As M would walk by, hiding the outfit from her HUGE client closet in her hand, much to my disappointment. As I tried to sneak a peek, we'd chat for a few seconds, and then she would go back into the abyss behind me to get back to work, prepping to make my shoot unique and special to me, which I didn't realize she did for each person until we discussed her "shot list" with booty pix and all.

This is why she was great, she put in so much work into making each of us feel amazing and special in our own skin, even when we don't realize it.

We picked a couple of outfits, & I traipsed around in all of my almost nakedness, trying to pretend to be confident. After we got started, I didn't have to pretend because M makes things so easy in the way she talks to you, &, she explains what to do. When she basically told me "I got you," in a humble manner, I realized how undeserving the humility behind it was — because she’s fucking got you.

There should be NO shyness to this Wonder Woman, but she's as humble and kind-hearted as they come.

During the shoot, I would be directed to do something and think, "You're telling me to do what?!" I feel like I was turned into a pretzel, & I wouldn't need my workout for the day, that's for damn sure, but I had a blast and would think with excitement about the end result. I had so much fun letting M use me for her creative vision and I loved seeing how passionate she is about not only her work as an artist but about each individual woman that she photographs.

I left the studio all glammed up and waited...(I didn't even go anywhere with the glam & the lashes were ripped off within a couple of hours, just like any time I wear fake lashes. They drive me crazy.)

I was told it would take up to 2 weeks before I get to see the pictures, where I would go back to the studio for the reveal, but we ended up doing a Zoom reveal, which was just as fun, & I got to smoke while we browsed. I was in awe & I'm sure M saw my jaw drop at a few pictures.

That's me?!?! Holy shit!!!!! I was most excited to see the pictures of me cuffed to the bed (no, you don't get to see those!) & the shower shoot. We both had a hard time deciding which pictures I wanted for my album because there were a lot of fantastic shots she took. I still have a hard time seeing myself as M saw me that day, in a way that portrayed my inner baddie.

I am so ready for another boudoir shoot!

My Boudi shoot advice is to find a photographer you love and just have fun. And if they ever make you feel otherwise, that’s not your photographer. You're going to gain confidence, & you can always go back to look at the pics for an ego boost, which I have already done a few times.

Through M's boudoir lens, I was able to see myself the way others already did — confident, capable, and worthy of taking up space. If you’ve ever even thought about booking a boudoir shoot, take this as your sign. You don’t need to change your body — you just need to let yourself be seen.

FUCKING BOOK THE SHOOT!!!

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