Light Us A Blunt & Tell Me About Your Dark Side: A Raw Conversation About Trust & Self-Growth (Revisited)

Canna Flavor of the Day: Honey Stixx-Dark Rainbows X Blackberry infused pre-roll

Music Vibes: Love Bites (So Do I)-Halestorm

I love the unexpected conversations that turn deep, where a person trusts you enough to tell you their soul. It's an absolute honor to be someone's confidant & I don't take it lightly. It’s hard for me to trust people, so when someone entrusts me with their truth, I guard that trust fiercely. I've had friends, ex-boyfriends, co-workers, and old bosses break my trust. I’ve trusted the wrong people too easily, & now I hesitate when the right ones come along. There are even blog articles that I keep saved in my drafts until I'm comfortable sharing. They could be there for weeks or even months before I finish them and publish them.

I do want to say, since everyone knows that I am transparent, please remember I am still a writer; it's my job to embellish things to keep interest. I promise that if you think you know what's going on in my mind, even if you read it on the blog, you don't unless I've specifically told you. It’s how I protect myself and maintain a sense of control. You can read the blog, & an article could have been written in spurts over a few weeks or sometimes months. I'm a Gemini, I'm indecisive, and I change my mind a lot! I could be over the article I've just published. The blog is as genuine and transparent as I am comfortable being.

In the past, I've had people get frustrated at how private I can be, such as not giving names to guys I date, until we are serious. Certain friends & I would make up hilarious nicknames for guys I'd be talking to because either I got bored with them or they got bored with me, so no sense in my friends getting to know their names. Just like Grampy jokingly making up the "Ace" nickname. Yeah, it could be confusing at times to people, but they respected that it was how it had to be for me. Too many times, I’ve shared that I met someone and immediately been interrogated for details—until the excitement & glamour wore off. The newness wasn't fun anymore because I was being grilled.

I don't kiss and tell ALL of the time.

I don't even give a shit when it comes to being "Facebook Official." Usually, if my social media status is changed, it's because the guy I'm with wants it. I actually intentionally keep my relationship status set to private. I couldn't care less, I'd rather keep my shit private & enjoy who I'm with, not answering a bunch of questions. No, I don't want everything kept secret, but I want to reveal things in MY time. Fuck, I swear some people have me walking down the aisle before I've even slept with a guy. I appreciate the enthusiasm, babes, but I really need to take it slow. Remember, we learned the hard way last time.

That was NO BUENO!

I can honestly say, I am almost glad that I went through the horror of the last relationship. I feel that, in a way, I was able to press my reset button and claim my life again. In my early 20's, I didn't give one fuck, I was a Wal-Mart cashier & seemed like I always had a guy to text, & if they treated me wrong, fuck them because I had another one waiting to be the next batter. Years of abuse, manipulation, and relationships where I gave my everything, & I still wasn't good enough, made me forget my worth and lose sight of who I really am. I'm finding me again. (Years later, revisiting this article, I have been & always will be, GOOD ENOUGH, just because I'm not meant for someone, or they can't show me I'm worthy, doesn't make me lose my value. This includes friendships, family dynamics, & colleagues.) I'm not going back to the person who cheated on me. I'm not going to allow someone to berate me & call me names, not being accountable for their actions. I won't go back to those who treat me as an option. I won't allow someone to disturb my peace.

I'm fucking getting ME back and upgrading to be the woman that I look up to and the woman that my daughter, her friends, & my readers will look up to. I have a lot of work to do, & even if I don't talk about it, I'm doing it. Yeah, I'm doing it with a blunt in my hand, tattoos and piercings, & a mouth like a sailor in a whorehouse, but I'm still going to reach my dreams.

At the heart of self-growth is trust: trusting your instincts, your boundaries, & your timing.

Comment below—how can I support you and help you reach your dreams? What steps are you taking to reach them?

I'm excited to be working on a few things behind the scenes that I'm hoping will help me and the blog succeed, so I can use it to help others. I promise I'll reveal them in time, but I am still interested in what you would like to see from me and the blog. Let me know!

Thank you for taking the time to read. Have a great week! Don't forget to subscribe! Love you, babes.

🖤💋💨