You’re Missing What’s Right in Front of You—Wake Up! (Revisited)

Canna Flavor of the Day: Stone Age Mariah Carry On My Wayward Sons of Anarchy pre-roll

"Girl, you and I both know you're worth more than the bare minimum or to have a partner "when it's convenient." I sent this text to a dear friend, and as I typed it, I felt like a hypocrite—because that’s exactly what I’ve been allowing for myself. I want to scream at certain people, 'I am right here! Open your eyes!

One time, I was hanging out with a FWB, and he was glued to his phone, completely ignoring me. I don’t make a habit of looking over people’s shoulders, but something told me to—and sure enough, he kept checking his recent conversation with a girl I already had a gut feeling about, just staring at her pictures. (Yeah, she's gorgeous, but that's not the point.) I was pissed—tired of the double standards, the disrespect. So, I called him out. That was a pivotal moment for me—realizing just how much I had tolerated from a guy who gave zero sh*ts about how he treated me. And yet, I would’ve done anything for him. A few days later, they became Facebook official & all he could say was, "I'm sorry." Coward.

I don't regret showing people that they are deserving of love, ever, but I do regret not making myself one of the people that I prioritize & love, even if that means cutting out someone. So why the hell do I still beg for attention from someone giving the bare minimum? Why am I telling myself and my friends that I don't deserve this & not following through or standing my ground? I never have & never will want to be in someone's life that doesn't want me there. Countless others do.

It is not too much to ask for a text every day. It is not too much to expect a PARTNER in any relationship because they are all two-way streets. Why is it so hard to reclaim the confidence I had in my early twenties? Back then, I never did all the chasing—if I was the only one making an effort, I cut them off. People thought I exuded confidence, but the truth? I wasn’t always sure of myself. I just didn’t give a f*ck.

It's taken years of being broken down repeatedly for me to get to where I am now. I am daily working on myself and if someone wants me or likes me as I am, they will show it. I will no longer wait on the sidelines, waiting for my crush to call me in or a "friend" to pull me off the shelf and dust me off when they're ready to be friends. I don't deserve fair-weathered anything. I am there through the good and bad for people and I deserve the same. I deserve so much better and so do you.

We deserve a text every day if that's what we want. We deserve someone who doesn't expect a text every day if that's too much for us. We deserve someone willing to meet in the middle but also show that extra effort if we're out of sorts and can't meet halfway. We deserve to be someone we care about enough to put in all of the love and support that we show others. We deserve the people who want to have the hard conversations just as much as the easy ones. We deserve people to learn our love language and us to learn theirs.

I know this and I hear this and most days I stick to my guns, but then the loneliness and depression kick in and I just want someone there. I want to tell someone about my day. I want to be asked. I want them to be as interested in all my big and little things as much as I want to share them. I want to be asked questions about my life, I want someone to actually give a fuck. I want to not be the only one reaching out first ALL. OF. THE. TIME. I think we are all deserving of that special life partner & as much as I embrace being single, I miss having someone excited to tell me every little detail about their life.

We are worth so much more than the bare minimum.

I am better than asking someone for help multiple times, with them being unreliable. I shouldn't have to feel like I'm an annoyance or that I'm begging someone to give a f*ck. If I am not getting the fulfillment I need from someone, I need to move on. That doesn't mean they're a bad person or that they're a shithead. It just means that if I am making effort and getting nowhere, then I'm not meant to be with them or have as close of a friendship as I was hoping. I have friends and family who make the first step at times if I don't and I value that contact. I deserve that reciprocity. We all do. Yes, life happens & we get busy, so as much as we deserve that effort, we also need to recognize that some people's effort won't ever match our own, or it will fluctuate, but that doesn't mean they aren't supporting you from afar.

SLOWLY—very slowly—I’m standing my ground more. Instead of reaching out to someone who treats me like an afterthought, I’m using that time to do something productive.

I'm the main event, Babe.

If you can't see it, someone will. People do see it and it's an amazing feeling to receive an unexpected compliment from a stranger and even from around the world. I’m right in front of you, and you still overlook me—meanwhile, strangers out here are saying they’d give anything to do bong rips out of my arse.

Know your worth.

Know that You Are Worthy!

Knowing as much isn't being cocky. Knowing that you deserve to be a priority isn't selfish. Knowing your worth isn't being a bitch. Being a bitch isn't always a bad thing when it keeps you from being a pushover. Wake up—stop missing what’s right in front of you. The people who see your worth are already there, waiting.

Don't wait to start working towards your goals and start seeing that you're special. Start today. Pay attention to those who show you that you're deserving of their love or friendship. Stop yourself from sending another text after one isn't responded to; instead, just do something you like: journal, read, do a crossword, go for a walk, call a family member. Do something to show that you love YOU and continue to love others the way you do. The right people will gravitate toward you as the person you are. Remember, you are deserving of everything that you want in life, and now is the time to take the steps forward to get to your happy place. You'll get there, and being genuinely happy is worth all of the hardships and toxic relationships that you cut off. Drop a comment and tell me: What’s one way you’re putting yourself first today?

Thank you so much for reading and for ALL of your support—please invite your friends!

🖤💋💨