His Kiss Tastes Like Whiskey & Cigarettes: Reclaiming My Power (Revisited)

Canna Flavor of the Day: Blinker Bar Grape Disposable

The other day I was having bad anxiety and I realized that I started playing scenarios in my head that may never happen. I was thinking about a guy I shouldn't have been thinking about and many other things outside my control. I decided that I needed water therapy. Although I cannot stand on my paddleboard YET, I still enjoy going out on the water to clear my head. (Years later, as winter fades, I find myself eagerly anticipating taking my board out in new waters—both literally and metaphorically. I'm still working on staying standing while on my board. Lake trips, anyone?)

I needed to take back my power.

I turned my phone on Airplane mode (ND & Daughter had my location) and I put an earbud in & had my Amazon Music list on shuffle. I recognized that I needed to look within and stop looking at things and obsessively playing certain things over in my head. My mental battery was running low and I hadn't given myself the downtime that I needed to keep me sane, so I decided to unplug and go out on the water. I may not go out as much as I'd like, but when I do, it's the recharge I need. Slowly, I felt all my worries just float away, like a bird in the wind.

Every time I'm out on the water, I'm fascinated by the wildlife and the natural beauty that nature provides. I appreciate the sights that I see outside of my cave and wonder why I don't crawl out more often. Even though it's not as fun doing things by myself, I still enjoy it and don't give the natural beauty around me enough credit.

I'm done giving other people my power and letting them drain from me. I'm done putting energy into a relationship with no reciprocity. I'm working harder every day to be the best version of myself and make myself a priority in my life. (Broken record anyone? Literally every blog article is me trying to be a better version.) I need to recognize when I'm spiraling and take action. Never again will I lose myself just to satisfy someone else. Never again will I give them my power. I am strong and always have been. I have weak moments like everyone else, but instead of ignoring them or brushing them aside, I work daily to correct what I need to. Sometimes I fail and that's ok, I am still always working to be the best me I can be.

I am putting my focus on living the life I deserve and fighting to give Daughter the life that she deserves, with as little frustration and worries as possible, knowing that life will always throw a curveball. Shitty things happen, the best we can do is do whatever we can to get through it, so we can live our lives happy and healthy.

Taking back my power means a lot to me. I never want to feel like I am not in control of my life again. Taking back my power means that I'm living the life that makes me happy, not worrying about what others think, not overthinking if I want to do something or not, telling someone that I cannot commit to something because I am mentally drained, staying home and doing nothing because my social battery is low, reading books instead of always watching TV, watching my comfort movies, listening to my eclectic taste of music, going outside instead of staying in my cave, working my hardest at work to prove I belong there, & most importantly not entertaining toxic or un-evolving relationships.

More importantly, taking back my power means not entertaining fuck boys and not being one myself. Read next week's article I'm Changing My Own Toxic Behavior By Not Entertaining Fuck Boys (Revisited)I'm not spending time with fake people. I'm not allowing myself to be the only one making effort in a friendship or relationship just because I'm lonely or horny. I'm not looking for temporary satisfaction, I'm looking for someone to build with and people who help and support me being the best me I can be, as I support them in living their best lives in return.

Taking back my power means noticing the red flags and not ignoring them, with friends, family, and guys. Taking back my power is communicating healthily when something is off and not pushing it down, ignoring it until I snap. I take back my power by distancing myself from people who don't make a change after I've communicated my frustrations. I am not someone to be brushed off and if someone does, they clearly don't belong in my life or care to. It means unplugging and setting my phone down once in a while.

I spend my time with people that add value to my life. I learn to be more confident all of the time.

This is me taking back my power and I aim to be even more indestructible than I already am. I want to leave this world knowing I did everything I could to be the absolute badass I am.

Reclaiming your power isn’t just about big, dramatic changes—it’s in the daily choices that remind you who you are. Whether it’s setting boundaries, cutting off toxic people, or just taking a damn break, every step counts.

Thank you for reading and for being part of this journey with me. I may not write as often as I’d like, but knowing you're here when I do means everything. If this piece resonated with you, I’d love to hear—what’s one way you’ve reclaimed your power lately? Drop a comment and let’s keep this conversation going.

🖤💋💨