My Ass Is Too Big To Wear Thongs: Walking Away From Abusive Behavior Early (Revisited)

Canna Flavor of the Day: Mama J's Grape Train Rosin

Music Vibes: Boys Will Be Boys- Dua Lupa

Trigger Warning: This may be a hard read for those who have encountered trauma with dating.

It pisses me off to see a victim blaming themselves for someone violating them & crossing a boundary. YOU'RE NOT IN THE WRONG. THE PIECE OF SHIT THAT DIDN'T RESPECT YOUR SPACE IS.

Brave....

A word used by others to describe me many times & each is a pleasant surprise. I don’t feel brave, or like I’m an inspiration, & I don’t feel like I can just gain courage like the Cowardly Lion. There is no wizard at the end of my yellow brick road waiting to grant me my black heart's desire. I don't have the ruby slippers to take me home, but I do have the power.

We all do.

Although it's not our fault when an uncomfortable situation arises, we can say no & leave before a sweet smile, a big dick, or one kind gesture causes us to overlook the red flags. We each have them & they may not be the same as the next person's red flag, but if you feel it & something just seems to be off, trust yourself & click those ruby slippers back home. Stay safe, make sure you have a backup plan for new situations & new people.

I had a situation the other day, where a "sweet" guy & his amazing smile just kept distracting me from things that I shouldn't be distracted from, like my self-respect. Meeting him started great, we talked, joked, hung out, made out A LOT, had shots of whiskey, but the more we hung out, the more drunk & belligerent he got, deaf to my annoyance, as I voiced my frustrations multiple times. Something tells me that he was hurting & needed a distraction, but that's still not an excuse to belittle, second-guess someone, or just be, quite literally, a horse's shit-encrusted ass.

I don’t feel brave, or like I’m an inspiration, & I don’t feel like I can just gain courage like the Cowardly Lion. No lies, the original plan was that this guy was going to get laid, even if just for my benefit or a one time thing. He was fucking hot! I grabbed a handful of condoms & threw them in my purse, even. (It's been a while, people, solo is not doing it for me anymore. Mind YOUR business.) Everything we did felt good, til it didn't & neither of us got laid because he took things too far.

He slowly showed me less of a good time, the more he drank, until he crossed the line, not taking "Stop" & "Ow! That hurts" for an answer. He kept getting rougher, even as I told him to be gentle because I'm basically an old lady nowadays. Thank you, fibro. Kissing should be fun, but he bit me so hard that tears threatened to surface. I fucking slapped him & thankfully he backed off. I saw the look in his eyes; he knew he fucked up, but he was too drunk to care.

Luckily, he stopped. I ran outside to have a full-blown panic attack, as he begged me to stay. I curled into a corner & shakily smoked. That's when I let the tears fall & I mustered up the courage to tell him to fuck off, trying to catch my breath again. This ginormous, sexy teddy bear turned into my monster that I've been running from. A monster that so easily surfaces in different faces.

I've dealt with drunks who had no respect for me, & I refuse to follow the same pattern. I've fucking dated them, stupidly. It was no fun & it wasn't worth it. I am unsure what makes drunks think there's anything sexy about sloppy.

Whiskey dick is hella annoying, boys, but disrespect is worse. If you want to get laid, fucking get it together.

Finally, with courage & balls that I felt were bigger than the cowardly lions, I went inside, where he was drunkenly fast asleep. Yeah, he looked cute, & I lost some of my resolve, so I covered his half-naked, sexy ass up, got my things, & I walked out the door, planning to not hear from him again because I was not reaching out. I drove home frustrated that people (men & women) think that behavior is acceptable—especially when meeting someone for the first time. Mad that I continually allowed this type of man in my life instead of walking away at the first sign of abusive behavior.

He reached out the next morning, texting & making sure I made it home ok & apologized. Yet, he didn't remember the whole events of the night that warranted the apology & wanted a second chance, but apparently not enough to be a decent human being. He didn't even show a shred of remorse, but he did want to see the battle wounds he painfully left & disregarded any humanity he had, just to say he wanted to fuck me. (Dude, me too! You have no idea.) He demanded more & more of me when we hadn't even been talking for 24 hours. He didn't earn it & sure as hell didn't deserve it, but I still allowed more than I should have.

(I'm fucking working on it, guys, give me some credit, I've still come a long way.)

I saw the signs early—the insecurity, the comments about things he had no idea about, like in the guys I was interested in, the “jokes” putting me down, the constant demands from a stranger, & acting like he could do better, even though HE was the one who pursued ME. He was clearly hurt by someone before & used it as an excuse for his abhorrent behavior.

I AM better. 

You would be lucky to have me. Maybe if you ever find your humanity, someone will be lucky to have you, too. Been there before, boy & I'm trying to get a permanent restraining order from the last guy that acted like this.

BIG RED FUCKING FLAG, ASH.

I really need to stop ignoring those.

I kept telling myself, "Don't fall for the smile, Ash."

I fell. I let my cooch do most of the thinking, & I paid for it, but I pulled my ass together & demanded respect from someone unwilling to give it to me. Instead of begging for it, like I normally would have, I stood my ground & let him be on his merry little fucked up way. I'm fucking proud I did it.

(Granted, I'm still a bit "frustrated" & a small part of me wishes I just hit that before the whiskey dick went limp.)

Bye Boy!

BTW, online dating lasted maybe two weeks. Fuck all of that nonsense. Boys on those sites are thirstier than an old-time cowboy in a whorehouse. Pull it together, men, show some class. Women are finally seeing their power & either you fight it, or you willingly accept it. I promise you, the latter is more fun. When you show a woman she's queen & treat her like she's your world, we will move mountains for you.

Just know, we don't need you, your whiskey dick, or your abuse. You're replaceable.

Women, we aren't completely immune to being drunken assholes or stoned & annoying. We're all stepping up our game, empowering one another, having each other's backs, & holding one another accountable, & we need to KEEP IT UP. If you're one of the drunken assholes in the female version...pull yourself together! Put on that red lipstick & look the world in the eye with the confidence of a Goddess & exude the power that is you & stop being a fucking asshole.

If this hit home for you, drop a comment below—what’s a red flag you’ll never ignore again? Let’s talk about it.

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🖤💋💨