The Friday (and one Monday) Chronicles Part Two Point Five: 21st Century Romantic Relationships
- Willow Williams
- Apr 4, 2024
- 4 min read
Updated: Apr 5, 2024
I know, I know, I know. This was going to be a four-part series, but here we are. I was going to combine this topic into Part Two, but felt like they both need their own space. Think of it as a bonus article. Lucky you!
Here are links to the first two parts if you want to catch up/need a refresher:
So this surprise article is going to be the angry stage of grief from Part Two. You've been warned.
21st century romantic relationships. I hesitate to use the word "romantic," but I can't think of a better word that most people would follow. Specifically, I am talking about relationships that involve friendship, cohabitation, possibly marriage, or some similar, familiar-to-all-of us bond, that also involves sex between the people in the relationship, with consent, of course.
Why do we make romantic relationships so complicated as a society? Why all the rules, and games, and posturing, and fakeness, and hiding, and denial? Fucking WHY???
For me, sex is a beautiful, beautiful thing that two people should be able to share with each other regardless of societal rules. I have good friends that I have intimate, emotional relationships with, and to me, a natural extension of that would be to be together physically. But that's not how society sees it. I would be labeled a slut if I went around having sex with all my friends. Hell, even suggesting it would get me blacklisted.
So where does this thought process come from?
Religion:
Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. (1)
Men are the caretakers of women, as men have been provisioned by Allah over women and tasked with supporting them financially. And righteous women are devoutly obedient and, when alone, protective of what Allah has entrusted them with. And if you sense ill-conduct from your women, advise them ˹first˺, ˹if they persist,˺ do not share their beds, ˹but if they still persist,˺ then discipline them ˹gently˺. But if they change their ways, do not be unjust to them. Surely Allah is Most High, All-Great. (2)
Patriarchal Society Structures:
By marriage, the husband and wife are one person in law: that is, the very being or legal existence of the woman is suspended during the marriage, or at least is incorporated and consolidated into that of the husband: under whose wing, protection, and cover, she performs everything; and is therefore called in our law-french a feme-covert [married woman]; is said to be covert-baron, or under the protection and influence of her husband, her baron, or lord; and her condition during her marriage is called her coverture. (3)
1984: The state of Mississippi belatedly ratifies the 19th Amendment, granting women the vote. (4)
Oppression of Queer Individuals/Communities.
Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves, who exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen. For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due. (5)
2008 (November) – Proposition 8 passes with a 52% yes vote in California declaring that marriage is between a man and a woman. (6)
I could keep going, but I think you get my point. It's all about control, one group over another. And once you have control, why in the world would you give that up? Centuries of conditioning will take centuries to reprogram.
I feel like I've got a little off topic here. My apologies. In my head, it's all related though. All of the above, and more, has created such a stigma around sex that anyone who thinks differently is base, dangerous, slutty, unethical, immoral, or mentally unwell.
Additionally, how inane is it to expect one person to be our end-all, be-all person for all our wants, needs, and desires? Talk about pressure on a relationship! There are alternatives like polyamory or ethical non-monogamy, but it takes an open mind and a lot of honest conversations in order for everyone to be comfortable in those situations. Not many of us have evolved that far. We've been so conditioned to think according to the examples above that any alternative is just "weird" or "wrong." God, I hope that changes in the future.
I just would like to be able to be with who I want, in the ways I want, without fear or judgement, but I guess that's too much to ask. So off I go to my next stage of grief, sadness.
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