The Friday (and one Monday) Chronicles: Part Two: The Friend Zone
- Willow Williams
- Mar 28, 2024
- 3 min read
Updated: Apr 8, 2024
Here's Part Two of my four-part series "The Friday (and one Monday) Chronicles". Again, I'm not entirely sure these four articles will have any feel-good, helpful advice when it's all said and done. They are therapy for me, so if that's not your cup of tea, I'll see you in three weeks. I hope at the very least, someone will relate and say, "That's how I feel/felt! I'm glad I'm not the only one." That will be a win in my book.
Here's Part One if you are so inclined: https://www.beautifuldisasterlit.com/post/the-friday-and-one-monday-chronicles-part-one
On Friday March 8th, 2024, I was friend-zoned by someone I had caught feelings for, in reality, too quickly. It's a good thing in the long run, honestly. It's been hard, but I am working through it in my way. I am not comfortable sharing any details, so that's all the backstory you're going to get.
The next day I went to coffee with friends like I do every Saturday morning, hung out with the grandkiddos in the afternoon, and went to trivia with friends that night. (We got 2nd!) All helpful distractions, but when Sunday came and I had nothing to do, I literally laid in bed most of the day and cried.
So can I even grieve for something that never even happened? Seems ridiculous, but the answer is yes, I can. Just like someone who had a terrible childhood grieves for the life they were denied, I can grieve for a relationship I thought had massive potential, even though it never happened.
dictionary.com defines grief as, "1. keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret; 2. a cause or occasion of keen distress or sorrow." The poet in me always loves a good thesaurus deep dive, so some synonyms for grief according to thesaurus.com are "agony, anguish, bereavement, despair, discomfort, gloom, heartache, heartbreak, melancholy, misery, mourning, pain, regret, remorse, sadness, sorrow, trouble, unhappiness, woe, and worry."
Remind me again why I am talking about grief? I don't want to talk about my mental suffering, anguish, melancholy, sorrow or any of those words! Who would???
But that's the point. We don't like to talk about grief because it is hard, but that's exactly why we need to talk about it, because it is hard. It's hard as fuck, in fact. Leaving it to fester and grow roots is not good for you, or your people. It will eat you alive, which, if you think about that literally, is terrible!
So I have to grieve. I have to sit with my pain and my sadness and disappointment and let it run its course. I can't deny it, ignore it, drink or smoke it away, or treat everyone around me like shit because I can't handle it. I have to deal with it, take it out of my pocket, examine it, get mad at it, try to strike a deal with it, be sad about it, so that I can move on. Even though what I am grieving didn't actually happen, I am still going through all the steps, just like I would grieve for someone that passed away.
It is HARD WORK. Beyond hard work, in fact. It fucking hurts like a red hot poker stabbed into my gut twisted downward. I am watching my intestines and liver and uterus and blood and bile spill out on to the ground in front of me. However, I am proud of myself for working through it. It'll take time, but I got this. My future self needs me to be diligent about this today so I can have healthy, meaningful relationships in the future.
So yeah, losing my job (see Part One) and someone important to me within the same week has been extremely difficult. Dealing with either of those things on their own is hard enough. I would like to say I have taken my own advice and coped with my grief over both situations properly, but I can't. I have had my bad, self-destructive days, lashed out at people I care about, and drank a little too much whiskey. But I get up the next day, dust myself off, look myself in the mirror, and say, "Willow, you are amazing. You will be ok with time. It's alright to fail. Just don't pitch a tent and live there. YOU GOT THIS, you fucking magnificent human being!"
It's taken years, but I am starting to believe what I tell myself.
Do you believe?
If you have been dealing with grief in some form, and you don't feel you're making progress or are grieving in unhealthy ways, please reach out to someone you trust for help. You can't let the pain keep devouring you. You are too precious.
Here are some resources for healthy grieving, as well as an article on how to support someone who is grieving.
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