The Ridiculous Things of Life Volume 2: The Artemis II Mission

Every once in a while, it's good just to sit back and revel in the ridiculous things of life. There's so much ugly and yuck in the world right now that if we focus on it too much, I think we might just lose our collective minds. So I've come up with a plan. A ridiculous plan. I am going to do a series called 'The RidiculousThings of Life'. And we'll use ridiculous in three ways: 1. ridiculous as in silly, 2. ridiculous as in absurd, and 3. ridiculous as in an off-the-hook OMG WOW factor. That's the only requirement for these articles, ridiculousness. I have some HEAVY topics coming up, so I will need the balance. I think this is a fanfuckingtastic idea, don't you? So let's dive into The Ridiculous Things of Life Volume 2: The Artemis II Mission.

To the moon, Alice!

While a dated and misogynistic reference, "To the Moon, Alice!" is still what comes to mind when I think about lunar space exploration. Well played, 80s TV Land, well played.

Y'all, WE ARE HEADING TO THE MOON!!! Not landing, but doing a drive-by. I imagine it like slow-rollin' by a big yard sale to see if there's anything worth stopping for. Is it worth finding a parking spot, piling the kids out of the car, and wandering through a neighbor's pile of junk for a $3 flower pot and 10 books for $1?

Fuck, yes it is! This is the moon, baby! Once we get to the moon on the regular, then we're off to winter on Venus and summer on Uranus. Stop by and borrow a cup of sugar from our Martian neighbors, or go ice skating on Neptune. And then what??? Who knows, but the possibilities are endless!

OK, you caught me. I'm a big nerd. I grew up on Star Trek, The Fly, and Alien. But I am unashamed! Time to get my geek on! This stuff is ridiculously AWESOME to me.

First up, the name 'Artemis' is very à propos. In Greek mythology, Artemis is the twin sister of Apollo, the god of light. (Technically, Helios is the god of the sun. Look it up!) Artemis is the goddess of the hunt, wild animals, wilderness, childbirth, and virginity. Diggin' the wild, feminine vibe, NASA!

Next up, this will be the furthest from Earth any humans will have traveled!!! In 1970, Apollo 13 set the record at 248,655 miles. I don't know if I'd want to go back after that mission, thank you very much, Tom Hanks, but Artemis II will reach 252,757 miles from Earth. You go, girl!

And here's some extra science-y stuff about how they'll get back to Earth:

The "Free-Return" Trajectory: Artemis II is using a "free-return" trajectory. This means that instead of using a large engine burn to enter lunar orbit, the spacecraft uses the Moon’s gravity like a slingshot to naturally pull the capsule around the far side and fling it back toward Earth—a critical safety measure for this first crewed test flight.

And they'll be "out of cell service" when they are on the dark side of the moon, sling-shotting back to Earth. Queue Pink Floyd. Take about cojones! That takes some serious mental gymnastics. Good gravy, those astronauts are brave mothers! Bravo and Brava, my fellow humans!

Speaking of the crew, here are our heroes, and their Star Trek TOS equivalents for fun. IYKYK

Reid Wiseman: Commander (Captain Kirk)

Victor Glover: Pilot (Sulu)

Christina Koch: Mission Specialist (Scotty)

Jeremy Hansen: Mission Specialist (Chekov)

Christina is the first woman, Victor is the first person of color, and Jeremy the first non-American, representing Canada, to fly to the Moon. Yay, diversity!

And here's something I didn't know until I started researching for this article:

Radiation and Bio-Monitoring: The Orion capsule is equipped with advanced sensors to measure deep-space radiation levels. Since the crew will travel through the Van Allen radiation belts and beyond the protection of Earth's magnetic field, the data collected is vital for designing the long-term habitats planned for the lunar South Pole.

Come again? They're doing research for long-term AirBnB rentals on the lunar South Pole??? I hope they'll have a hot tub, because while that sounds amazeballs, it also sounds really, really, cold!!!

And y'all, this is not a space race anymore. It's a team sport! With two notable exceptions, (ahem, get it together Russia and China, cough, cough), 61 nations are involved in the Artemis II mission. 61! The Artemis Accords cover issues like having peaceful purposes in space exploration, scientific transparency across nations, interoperability (i.e. a Japanese rover could dock into a US power station), emergency assistance, and protecting heritage. If only, if only!, this type of agreement could apply to all aspects of human existence. Oh, what a world it would be!

Europe: 28 nations

Asia: 15 nations

South America: 7 nations

North America: 5 nations

Africa: 4 nations

Oceania: 2 nations

I mean, this Artemis II mission is ridiculously huge! As a people, we've been looking up and wondering 'what the fuck' for centuries. The fact that we live in a time where we may actually accomplish something cosmically significant blows my teeny-tiny mind. There's sooooooooooo much out there that we just don't know. So, so much. And we're just a small blip in a ginormous universe that is still expanding. Still expanding!!! Puts a lot of things in perspective. Maybe worrying about the rude look the checkout person at the grocery store gave you isn't really worth worrying about after all. Not in this vast wonderful amazing universe we call home.

If this isn't your cup of tea, thanks for putting up with me. I owe you one. Probably two or three, honestly!

I could go on and on and on and on about this stuff. If this stuff interests you as much as it interests me, dive in and do some research. I couldn't begin to cover all the cool, awesome, amazing, and ridiculous things about this topic. Geeks unite!

For sure, checkout Neil deGrasse Tyson's podcast Star Talk here: https://www.youtube.com/@StarTalk

He really dumbs down, er…, makes a lot of this complicated science easily digestible. He always says, "As always, I’m Neil deGrasse Tyson, your personal astrophysicist. Keep looking up!" God, that makes my day for some reason! In fact, I'm going to "borrow" it.

Per usual, I'm Willow Kay Williams, your personal ridiculousist. Keep up the good work!

What does Artemis mean?" prompt. Gemini 3 Flash, 5 Apr. 2026 version, Google, 5 Apr. 2026, gemini.google.com

Photo Credit: https://unsplash.com/photos/full-moon-and-gray-clouds-during-nighttime-ve_uN9V8xqU?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditShareLink