You're Offering Me The Bare Minimum, He's Offering Me A Lifetime (Revisited)

Flavor of the Day: Blueberry OG (homegrown)

Music Pick-"Flowers"-Miley Cyrus

There are people that will always make me feel like I'm not good enough, no matter what I do, part of that is because of my own insecurities. Then there are people who see my true weird-ass self & are drawn to my energy, lifting me on in one way or another. I'm teaching myself to stop caring about what the people who don't see my infinite potential think. I'm teaching myself to embrace everything I am, keeping the essence of the soul I want to be. Who knew that it would be so hard and so brave to be yourself, regardless of the looks or comments you may get?

Dating is honestly hard on the self-esteem, but it's teaching me to love myself regardless of who is in my life, what people think, or why someone wants to be out of it. A few weeks ago, I started talking to a guy that I really thought I clicked with, the first in a long time that I've felt that way about. Anything I would say, where I expected some kind of negativity, he would literally be for it, supportive even. I don't get that with guys I've talked to for years. That right there was a light bulb.

I don't talk to that guy anymore & I always keep some at a distance, but that really opened my eyes. Somebody made me feel good for being ME. They made me feel beautiful, interesting, smart, motivated, & confident in myself. (He did knock me down a few pegs by telling me he didn't think we'd be compatible out of the blue, but that didn't last long.) I am all of that, regardless of what anyone thinks or assumes of me, regardless of random guys' closed-minded perspectives. I am all of that regardless of who I talk to and regardless of any new/old dating prospect's view of me.

I was awakened by a realization that I don't want to spend time with someone who doesn't think I'm good enough. I don't want to spend time with someone who wouldn't even drive 10 minutes to see me or take the time to text me first. I want to spend time with someone who will drive an hour to see me for 10 minutes. I am worthy of that effort. I put so much into others, I am deserving of people in my life who do the same.

I still have a hard time putting up the barrier I need to erect, (heehee) one that stays in place and matches the effort given. I still need to stop being desperate for just anyone's attention. I am constantly working on finding things I like to do alone. I am constantly showing myself that I am growing to be the person I want to be & building the life I want. I need to match my own effort to MYSELF.

It's sad when I find myself longing for attention, any attention, that I forget who I am and what I am worthy of.

Ok, the oddest thing in the middle of writing/editing this article, ghost guy reached out to apologize....by telling me what he thought was wrong with me....We've never met. The audacity of men who treat women like this is appalling. Yeah, I was bummed at first when the ghost happened, I thought we clicked, but clearly, he was playing some part & saying the right things to get laid. (He obviously didn't.) Bro.... there are plenty of other women (go them!) looking for the same thing you are. You lying shows YOUR character, not mine. I was clear about what I wanted because I know what I want. Do you?

Don't believe everything you read on the internet & don't fall for the person who just throws words at you. Fall for the person who proves it through their actions. Have the confidence you would have if you had someone right there building you up. Be your own someone.

This article did not go the way I thought it would, but my message is still the same. Find the people who love and value YOU as you are, the ones who support your growth but reach out to lift you up when you fall. There is someone out there who will embrace everything you are and fall deeply in love with it. Don't dim your shine because you're lonely & you want to fit somebody's version of you. Love the person you are, even if some may not like it.

Take time to reflect on the effort & support in your relationships. Who drains your energy? Who helps recharge you? Who makes you feel good about yourself? Cut the chords that need to be cut, show yourself some self-love, & do a little something to express gratitude to the people who help with your positive energy.

Ask yourself, are you settling for someone who offers the bare minimum, or are you investing in someone who will offer you a lifetime? Be the version of you that you want to be and kick ass to be the best version of yourself. You've got this! I believe in you.

Thank you so much for reading,

Ash

🖤💋💨