Sometimes Clothes Hurt, So I Stay Naked- Life With Fibromyalgia Thus Far (Revisited)

Flavor of the Day: Stone Age's Alien Spacecraft pre roll

Music Vibes: Low-Nerv

Living with chronic pain is a life of trying to do what is needed to make yourself comfortable, but the walking around naked part is probably my favorite part of adapting to my illness. I've grown more comfortable in my own skin and it's quite freeing. Who would have thought that clothes would literally be too painful to wear? I stay in leggings because I can't wear jeans for very long without their material feeling like sandpaper on my skin. I sleep naked because sometimes even folds in my clothes or the sheets are so painful that they keep me up, flip-flopping until my exhaustion finally gives in and I can sleep. Light and loving touches turn sharp and painful, they sometimes feel like they go down to the bone. I bruise a lot easier than normal.

This article won't even scratch the surface of what it's like to live with fibromyalgia and I don't want pity or sympathy, I just want people to know what I'm going through, what others with chronic pain can go through, and maybe some can relate or be reminded to keep an open mind. I've had numerous issues since May of 2020, repercussions of letting a crazy dumbass into my life. (Not even close to worth it, he has nothing going for him and probably never will) (For those of you who don't know, fibro can be set off by a traumatic event.) After months of appointments, significant weight loss in a short period (I didn't complain about that part either), and multiple Drs and medications, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in March of 2021 and it was actually a relief. I had confirmation that I wasn't crazy, that life was no longer what it normally was. I had a Dr. finally listen to me and I didn't feel like I was making stuff up. Every Dr after her confirmed that I have this old lady disease that sometimes kicks my ass and I'm in bed half the day or I feel like a spaz.

Sometimes, if my nerves are too shot, I shake uncontrollably and I constantly knock shit over because for some reason my depth perception is off. When I go to pick whatever I dropped up, I get sharp pains throughout my entire body. It's the same when I do certain chores. Sometimes, the pain is so unbearable I get nauseous, but I still push myself to do everything that I can. Every new weird thing that I experience, I google and find out it's yet another symptom of fibro. I don't know when the last time I was so self-aware of my own body, as I am till trying to figure out what the fuck was/is wrong with me. The constant sharp pains are like when your foot falls asleep too long, but it's the whole body with piercing sharp double-pointed needles going through every part. Some days, it's like my bones are trying to pull out of my skin and people wonder why the fuck I smoke so much weed. We have yet to find a medication that works pain-wise, MJ works right away and I'm able to function and cope. I hate depending on something to get out of bed, so I can be normal, but that's my life and I'm done apologizing for it. Nobody asks someone on prescription medication to not take their medicine or to stop taking a medication that's working for them.

When I'm nervous, I physically and painfully feel it throughout my entire body, and being in constant pain is fucking exhausting and debilitating. Out of nowhere, I'll have stomach issues, whether I'm vomiting with no warning or I'm stuck on the toilet for an hour. Sometimes it's both and let's not talk about the horrific stench that comes with these stomach issues. Thank you Poopouri!

I used to drink coffee every day and have 1-2 glasses of wine every night, but now I keep them as occasional treats for myself but treats that are almost not worth it because I'm in pain the next day or even that night. I can't go to sleep or sit still, so I can forget sharing a bed with someone because they would get very little sleep. (Not that I've had very many promising prospects in that department.) My body is almost in constant tension, I don't know what it's like to relax my body without actually thinking about it.

I keep saying I'm trying to find my new normal, but nobody knows what that means and some people don't even care. I'm ok with that. Hell, I cut my hair short, even though I love long hair on myself, because having long hair, whether it was up or down felt like I was getting scalped like in the old western movies. (Maybe I'm exaggerating a tad, but you get the point.) I mean fuck, if I don't have extra cushions on a chair or couch, I have to constantly adjust because I'm so uncomfortable. I have a pillow top mattress, but some nights it still feels like there's nothing between myself and the coils and its fucking painful and aggravating. I know it's not the mattress because I just bought it and it's typically very comfy when I can actually enjoy it.

Again, I am not writing this for sympathy or for you to feel sorry for me, I want people to stop judging a book by its cover. Just because someone looks physically able to do things, doesn't mean they are. Unless you have a conversation with someone, stop taking one look and being a fucking judgmental asshole about their life that has nothing to do with you. Stop assuming that people aren't doing everything they can just to live a semi-normal life just because it doesn't look like your version of a successful life. Start being more supportive to your fellow human because humanity isn't fucking lost and it starts with us.

Thank you, everyone, old and new, that have supported me and continue to read. Please let me know what topics you'd like to see me write about.

🖤💋💨