I Wear Mirrored Sunglasses, So You Can See How Dumb You Look: Ash's Dating Chronicles (Revisited)

Flavor of the Day: A friend's homegrown White Widow (One of my faves!)

Content… that was how I felt driving home the morning I originally wrote this article. My daughter was in the passenger seat, her legs crossed as she told me stories about her life & school. We had music softly playing in the background & our loyal doggo was snoring loudly from the back seat. It was a Beautiful day to drive back from visiting some great friends, a perfect ending to a nearly perfect visit.

Like most weekends I spend with my best friend & her husband, I laughed so hard my tummy hurt & my cheeks were sore. ND is a best friend that I’ve had since kindergarten. Her husband, Hubby, is like a brother; he is also one of the very few men that I can count on. We laughed so hard that she was crying, I almost peed myself, & both of our abs were sore. That wonderful feeling of being 1000% happy, with people you love. A feeling that for both of us, has been a rarity lately, but I am determined to feel that more often by planning more game nights.

The next morning started well for me & got better. Besterestest made breakfast, while my beautiful niece made some amazing biscuits. I kept talking about the biscuits on the way home & how I should have brought some back. I have the recipe somewhere...

I came home to watch another friend’s little minion. I have been determined to make him like me since he was born. He does, a little. We even napped together that day. This kid literally was awake one second & asleep the next. Every child needs to fall asleep like this one! After he left, I had a firepit fail, but got a pretty picture & smoked some amazing, green goodness.

Online dating is pretty annoying… you would think I’d give up on it, but however many times I delete my profile & deactivate it, I still get back on. I get bored & lonely. Instead of doing something productive, I talk to temporary Aces. I'm working on being more productive, especially with my writing.

That night, I had a guy that I’ve been talking to off & on online stop by to smoke & watch a movie. I wore double layers thank you very much!! The movie was "Mike & Dave Need Wedding Dates." It was a totally chill night, but weird… my home is my safe spot, so having random guys here is just odd, I think. No, my daughter wasn’t here. I don’t do that. She was staying the night at a friend’s place.

Anyways…. this guy was not very interesting in person. Granted, I was already pretty stoned, something I try not to do when I should be social. So I don't blame him. There could have been many factors being us not “clicking” in a few ways….

The weird thing is……. this fucking guy walked out the door (It's locked now, bitches!) & he was sitting in my driveway for 18 minutes….. like wth??

Here’s my thought process as I sneakily peeked out my window after I heard a car running a few minutes after I walked him to the door:

“He must be finishing texting his friend "

5 minutes go by…..*peek*

”Wtf, maybe he's trying to set up GPS.” We ALL know how tech-unsavvy I am, so I just assume he takes forever like I do.

10 minutes go by, *peek* his car is still in my driveway. I only know because I see his headlight…..

“Wtmotherfucking hell? Is he going to try to come back in? I’m tired, I don't want him to. Maybe I’ll text my neighbor, so she can make her husband scare him off” (Her husband is the nicest guy ever & not even remotely scary, but that's where my mind went.)

15 minutes of this, people! *peek*….15 fricken minutes…..Remember I can't see anything whatsoever, besides his headlight......

”WTF is this motherfucker masturbating??”

The good news though, fool left after 18 minutes of sitting in my driveway.

I haven't talked to him since. That was just too weird.

Thank you all for reading! Remember to practice precaution when you're dating, especially when meeting someone that you don't know. Don't invite strange people to your house right away, meet in a public spot, make sure someone knows where you are, & most importantly, DO NOT IGNORE THE RED FLAGS JUST BECAUSE THEY'RE HOT!

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