I Want To Be Seen, But I Want To Be Invisible. Thoughts On Being Brave (Revisited)

Flavor of the Day: Simply Blazed's Drty Whte Girl pre roll

This saying was something I read on my Pattern App, suggested to me by my new friend B. I won't lie, life has got me in such a kerfunkle that I haven't wanted to write, but I saved this quote to remember to write about it. I really haven't wanted to do anything because it seems like no matter how positive I am, life likes to throw me another curveball. I'm exhausted from trying to dodge and catch them all. This is the reason I dream of being a Black Bear full of berries and honey, hibernating in the winter. Shit seems to happen to me, I always get sick, & depression fucking sucks hardcore during the winter months.

I've been thinking of my next writing topic sporadically between the stress of trying to stay positive (It's just not easy for me.), trying to figure EVERYTHING out when things go haywire, and me trying to stay calm and rational while I'm overloaded with life. Something many people don't seem to struggle with like I do. I get it. We all have our struggles, but come on, can I please get a bone thrown here? Through the anxiety, the topic that kept popping in my head was "Be Brave."

I began to ponder on it, I ponder everything because I can't shut my brain off, thinking about what being brave meant to me. In what ways do I show courage or how I am my own knight in shining armor? I have bravery in me, but in some ways, I am still unable to stand up for myself or force myself to do something outside of the little box of safety that I reside in. Being brave to me is me standing up for myself strongly and respectfully. I've been brave by doing the hard things to make the best life I can for Daughter and me. I was brave enough to do it alone, although I'm not entirely alone. I continue being brave by making decisions that take me outside of my comfort zone.

Recently, one of those decisions was to join a book club and open myself up to new friends and experiences, pushing aside my social anxiety. In just doing that, I've met new friends, I've gained more support from new friends than I have some old friends, I've met someone who just might help me grow my business, and I've written my first script for a short promotional video for a local non-profit. I've had people cry over my work, and I've seen it come to life. I have had a taste of my dream job: being paid LOTS of money to write and travel. Until recently, it was something I wasn't sure I could ever accomplish.

Yes, things have gone to literal shit, but I have also been launched forward into a life that I thought was going to always be just beyond my grasp. If I had let my social anxiety keep me from going to that first book club, or raising my hand when B mentioned she wanted a writer, or by not asking or demanding what I deserve, wouldn't have had all of the pleasant experiences that I have had recently. Even the bad experiences were learning experiences. I have gained more confidence in myself, and I've seen the confidence others have had in me.

Being brave is asking someone to go on a date. Being brave means writing when you don't think you're good enough. Being brave is sometimes saying "Yes!" (even if it's reluctantly) when you just want to say, "HELL NO!" Every day, life shows us how it can be cut unexpectedly short, and we still take advantage of it instead of relishing every moment. Yes, there are those moments you want to stomp your foot like a two-year-old screaming, "I don't want to!" with your hair unbrushed, only one shoe on, & candy stuck to your wrinkled pajamas. (Wait, is that just me?) Where does that take you?

Nowhere.

Being brave means trying those new experiences. Sometimes, it means doing something to make someone smile. Sometimes, it means saying "no" when you really want to say "yes." Sometimes, it means just having fun and not worrying about what other people think.

It takes bravery to act in a way of self-empowerment instead of self-doubt. It's easy to doubt ourselves and not try new things. It's easy to walk in place, but the adventure is in the hills and the mountains. Think about every time you got hurt or something didn't go as planned; it took bravery to not just throw that toddler tantrum. I was advised to do the Wonder Woman pose when I needed confidence, so I did it, and I did it naked in front of the mirror; it may not have completely worked, but it worked. My anxiety over something small didn't make it seem so big anymore. I felt powerful enough to conquer the world.

Sometimes, being fearless is being seen when you want to be invisible. On the other hand, sometimes, being brave is being invisible when you want to be seen. If somebody, a person, or a business doesn't see you when you do everything you can to be seen, actually seen, then empower yourself by not caring if they see you or not. Surround yourself with the people who, see you and continue to see you, still choosing you every day.

Think about a time that you've been brave and let me know! What was the outcome?

Don't let fear keep you from living your best life because having a little adventure on your journey is worth it.

Thank you for reading! Have the best holiday week!

🖤💋💨