I'm Blunt Because God Rolled Me That Way (Revisited)

Flavor of the Day: Infused Reese's Brownie.

When I wrote this, I had wanted to do a blog post about the coronavirus, but I honestly wanted to do more research before I blog about something so big. I wanted to provide an educated opinion, whether it's wrong or right, at least I can back up why I think what I do. Growing up, Dad would always say "You're talking out of your ass." I don't want to be THAT person, I want to know my shit and NOT talk out of my ass! Lol, thanks Dad! Honestly, I was in disbelief and got tired of hearing about it. I don't think the severity of COVID hit me for a while. I had never gone through something like that & now it's a distant memory. We are done wearing stupid masks & having a seemingly divided world as everyone tried to navigate the pandemic as best as they could. It was a huge change for each of us & most of us handled it wrong.

Btw, when I wrote this I was too high on infused Reese's brownie that a friend and I made .....Ok, she mostly made it and I complained about how long it was taking, WITHOUT ACTUALLY HELPING AT ALL mind you. I can be a pain like that. To be fair, the evil one made me do my first dab, only AFTER calling her sister and announcing it was my first. Thanks, sister for being the coolest adult babysitter I've had!! I sat in that chair her sister brought me for the rest of the night because the dab kicked my ass.

I'm honestly excited about the response I've gotten about my current life dream. Imposter syndrome go away!! We all know I'm a gypsy and a Gemini and this is likely to change five times over. (It hasn't, I still have van life dreams over three years later & I'm consistently working to build my dream business.) I keep thinking about Ted and feeling like the fucker is around. Oddly enough, today as I did my rewrite of this article, I came across old emails between Ted & I. I go from wanting to talk to him about all of the insanity, to looking at the pigeon flying outside of my work window, right as I was thinking I wish I knew where he's at now. I feel like he'd like my blog & give me kind, honest feedback. This guy only cussed at me once ever and it was to say "Ash, you're smart, but you're a dumbshit with guys" (It's still true, thanks Ted.) Fucking talk about feeling transparent, like this dudeman knew me like nobody else cared to. Yet, the asshole put me through soo goddamn much..... and the worst part is I allowed it. I fucking allowed it, for so long. Like dude, the me before Ted. Did NOT allow that shit to fly one bit.

Not to discredit the loving friendship that Ted & I did have. We were there for each other through so much. I have regrets, but I think that we both did & it's part of being human. Unfortunately, we would never have the right timing, like he thought we would & sadly we will never get the chance because he unexpectedly passed away in 2019. Boy, was I a wreck! I still think of Ted fondly & talk to him now & then, even though I feel like a crazy person. What I would do just to be able to hug him again.

Appreciate people's part in your life, no matter how fleeting it may be. Learn from them & love them how they need to be loved, but make sure you're still your own priority.

Thank you all for reading & being a part of my journey. Hopefully soon, you'll see me traveling along in my van writing to my heart's desire. Time for me to roll a blunt & celebrate my wins.

🖤💋💨