Combating Loneliness: Ever Been Alone in a Crowded Room?
- Willow Williams
- Sep 19, 2024
- 4 min read
Sing it with me!
One is the loneliest number!
One is the loneliest number!
One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do!
Being alone can be hard work! In December of last year, I went from almost 49 years of being around people constantly to being by myself most of the time. It was WEIRD. Even if I didn't talk to the people in my house much on any given day, I was never truly alone. Now I am alone a lot of the time, and it's taken some adjusting to say the least. I am lonely!
So, let's define loneliness, shall we? Specifically, it's " …the distress that arises when there is a perceived disconnect between a person’s needs for social connection and the quality and quantity of those connections in actuality." (1)
You can be lonely because you are actually physically alone. You can be lonely because you have no meaningful relationships in your life. You can be lonely because the people you thought would be there for you totally screwed you over. You can be lonely because the person you had a relationship with has left for some reason.
Have you heard the phrase "Alone in a crowded room"? That's a biggie for me. All these people, but nothing meaningful. Sigh…
Conveniently, this super awesome article from Psychology Today talks about seven types of loneliness. Make sure to check out the full article here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-happiness-project/201702/7-types-loneliness-and-why-it-matter, but this is the one that jumped out at me, go figure:
7. Quiet-presence loneliness. Sometimes, you may feel lonely because you miss having someone else’s quiet presence. You may have an active social circle at work, or have plenty of friends and family, but you miss having someone to hang out with at home — whether that would mean living with a roommate, a family member, or a sweetheart. Just someone who’s fixing a cup of coffee in the next room, or reading on the sofa.
Absolulyfuckingxactly!
This is exactly how I've felt the last several months. Where are the people that make the noise in the other room, leave dishes in the sink, and accidentally slam the door in the wind when they leave? This apartment is very well sound insulated. I hardly ever hear anyone. Maybe if I did, I would feel less lonely. Maybe?
(I am also super nervous I am or might at some time in the future become that neighbor, the one that makes all the noise and annoys everyone. So far, no complaints. Whew!)
Loneliness causes all kinds of issues, both physical and mental. One the physical side, " …loneliness causes serious hurt, acting on the same parts of the brain as physical pain … It's been well established that lonely people are more likely than the nonlonely to die from cardiovascular disease, cancer, respiratory illness, and gastrointestinal causes—essentially, everything." (2)
Thanks for the pick-me-up, Willow. JEEZ!
And since we've all been lonely, I bet we can all list off a million things it does to your mental health. For me it has cause depression, over-eating, under-eating, lack of interest in everyday activities, moodiness, substance abuse, risky behavior to get attention, poor judgement/decision making, and, and, and…
I think we all get the point. Loneliness is a serious issue.
So what can I do to feel less lonely? What are ways for combating loneliness? I can't make people want to come over to my place and/or spend time with me. Can't go up to random strangers in a store and say, "You look cool. Be my friend. Can I come over to your place tonight and watch movies and eat popcorn and fall asleep on your couch?" Or randomly kidnap my neighbors and make them watch me make cookies at 2:00 in the morning while tied up on my kitchen floor?
Can I?
How about some more obvious, less felonious ideas. Here's a few.
If you are able, get a pet of some sort. A furry critter can be a great companion and an awesome listener! My mom, bless her heart, just adopted two cats in two days. Now she has three cats and two dogs. She
has her own little critter community now! And boy howdy, do they LOVE her!
Volunteer with a cause that is meaningful to you. This is a great way to get your eyes off yourself (Willow) and make a difference in every day life. Got a thing for critters? Volunteer to walk dogs at your local animal shelter. Worried about reproductive rights? Call up Planned Parenthood and see how you can help. Ready to rock the vote in November? Call up your local political office of choice and offer to canvas your neighborhood. Love a good story? Volunteer to talk to folks in retirement homes. Guaranteed they are probably lonely too. A double whammy!
Get to know your neighbors, in a non-creepy, no kidnapping kind of way. Take their garbage can up to their house for them. Shovel their walk if it snows. Ask them about their lawn or the plants on their patio. Offer to check their mail while they are out of town. I think a lot of basic human "neighborliness" has been lost in the last couple of decades. We need to get back to it!
Write to our brave and utterly fantastic service members deployed around the world. Here's a couple of sites for that:
Start a group of like-minded people online. Friend D decided that our area needed more queer representation in the fitness arena, so she started a queer athletic Facebook group for the Tri. Now people are working out together, going on hikes, walks, and biking together, and conversing a lot about fitness, athletics, sports, health, and nutrition. Did you know competitive hobby horsing is all the rage in Finland??? How cool is that?!
Therapy, as always, highly recommended.
And remember, sometimes you do just truly need to be alone, for an hour, a day, a week, a year… And that's OK. As long as you are using the time to rebuild and renew yourself, there's nothing wrong with being by yourself either.
So, anyone want to make cookies tonight? I'll bring the vegan egg substitute.
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