Letting Go Of Your Own Expectations (Revisited)

Flavor of the Day: Blueberry OG, a friend's homegrown.

The other day, I was restless & bored, wanting to get out of the house & do something after work on a weekday. With my new job schedule, I am off work early enough to actually do things I want to do. Daughter wasn't home & anybody I reached out to for some socializing was busy, so I clicked on "events" on FB & found that night there was a paint night at Clover Island Inn that looked fun. The painting had a moon, a tree, & the sky, right up my alley. It took a lot out of me, but I decided, "Fuck it, I'm going alone." As you can tell by the results above, I'm not the best artist, but I still had fun. As the time to leave my house approached, I kept stopping myself from having expectations. I know my painting will never look like the professional teaching the class, but I let go of any pictures in my mind of how I thought the night should be.

The time to leave my house came closer and as I was getting ready, wearing my blue maxi dress, (with pockets!) my anxiety demon reared its ugly head. "What if I don't have fun going alone?" "What if my picture really fucking sucks?" So I did what any girl would do: I made a decision to pull one of my power moves & go out in public commando. Wait, am I the only one who has that as a power move?

There's something about not wearing panties that boosts my confidence.

I love getting out and doing things, but I hate going out and doing things by myself all of the time, which is the norm for me. My anxiety goes crazy, and it takes everything in me not to cancel. The last-minute decision to go to a paint night solo was no different. As I was trying to calm my nerves and pump myself up, I told myself, "If you don't like it, you can leave."

Then an epiphany happened.

Why the hell was I getting so worked up again about going and doing something fun by myself?! I do things alone all of the time & I usually end up having a great experience, but why is it always an ordeal when I can literally just leave if I don't like it? I drive my own car. I make my own money to get an Uber. If needed, I have a handful of people who would help get me out of any situation if I asked them to.

I finally got my self in check, nerves calm, when I realize my dryer didn't get all of the wrinkles out of my dress. No, I don't iron. I have one and I know how to iron, but I don't. So I had to give myself another mini pep talk about not letting the wrinkles in my dress keep me from a positive experience. I needed to just walk out the door. (As you can tell, I give myself a lot of pep talks.)

I've had jobs that made one feel less because one's attire didn't meet their standards. I've heard people make judgmental comments about what someone wears, whether it's because "they're too old," or "too big" or whatever dumb reason they think gives them the green light to judge someone based on the clothes they wear, the ink on their skin, or the color of their hair.

Let me say this to the dimwitted......

IF YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT THE WRINKLES IN MY DRESS, THAT SAYS MORE ABOUT YOU THAN IT DOES ME.

I have a strong work ethic, and the wrinkles or the dog & cat hair that always seems to find a way to stick to me has nothing to do with my work ethic, how I treat people or my morals. What you wear may say a little about your personality, but it doesn't tell people who you are to your core. That comes with conversation and getting to know the person in front of you.

I'll tell you what, not one person looked at the wrinkles in my dress & by the time the night was over, I had paint all over my hands to add to the look. Still, nobody gave a fuck. The people whose table I sat at were welcoming, friendly, & funny. The only bad thing anyone might have thought about me would have been the lady who was sitting in front of me, who had my canvas fall into hers more times than either of us would have liked. Thankfully, she had a quite chill demeanor & was very polite about it.

I don't like doing things alone, but I will, and I usually leave my solo dates feeling a bit more proud that I've stepped out of my comfort zone.

Get out, let go of your own expectations, and do the thing you want to do! Check out events in your community that you want to go to and invite your friends. Find events that your friends want to go to and make it a point to set it in your calendars. If they don't want to go, or you end up going stag, still do it!!! It might not be the experience you were expecting, it might just be better. You may learn things about yourself that you never knew.

Thank you all for reading!!! Have a safe and blessed 4th of July! Don't forget to find the things in your life to be thankful for.

💋🖤💨