Don't Fuck With My Feelings Just Because You're Unsure of Your Own: Navigating New Trauma (Revisited)

Flavor of the Day: Homegrown Grape Ape

BDL tip: Women, if you want to get ready fast, no matter the reason, & still look like the Beautiful, Sexy goddess you are, Hooker hoops, a messy bun, & shades. It works! The bigger the hoop, the better! At least for me. I am able to feel confident but not put a lot of effort into my look.

I find out more and more how blessed I am with my job. (4 years later, I regret saying this. They were judgmental and rude.) So today, my office manager called me into her office. Ok, let me rephrase that..... I saw her talking to one of the owners and not too long after, she tells me she'd like to talk to me when I'm off. Letting me fucking stew on it for a whole fucking hour!!!!! So, of course, my overthinking brain thinks it's bad, and I'm getting fired as of yesterday. It was worse...

Psycho....yes, fucking psycho ex called acting like a patient, tried saying I was smoking weed in the work parking lot!! Playing like he was a "concerned" customer. Fuck that BS. Again, I am so grateful and thankful that instead of this looking bad on me, I had an honest adult conversation one-on-one with each individual. Then, after realizing the situation, I got more support, not a mark on my file at work. (That patience & understanding was short-lived.)

All the drama, I just want it gone; I want to be able to live my life. Be Human!

Feeling unsafe from the psycho, I had to make one of the hardest decisions of my life. I had to talk to Daughter about staying with SD until the psycho disappeared. Fuckin' sucks the most sweatiest balls of your life. Not the sexy, sweaty balls from a working man either (something the psycho knew nothing about,) balls from the grossest guy you could imagine, then even worse. I miss my kid, man. I don't want to fucking deal with this BS.

Can I Just Throw a Big BDL Pity Party?

Trying to have some sense of normalcy, I watched one of my movie favorites, Red Riding Hood, with Amanda Seyfried. I love twisted fairy tales. To be 100% honest, I can never decide who my favorite is, but Alice in Wonderland and Red Riding Hood are probably on my top 5, but Beauty & The Beast will probably always be my #1 favorite. This movie is, in a way,, and said, like RRH + B&TB together. Plus, the two main male characters are HOT AF & BDL may have fantasized about the two of them on occasion.

You Can't Make A Man Treat You Right, but You Can Make Him Wish He Did

After I read this quote, I straightened my shoulders, raised my chin and said "Mother Fuckin' right!"

This asshole douchebag can try to bring me down, but I'm a mother fuckin' STRONG badass. My Phoenix tattoo reminds me that I can get through this bullshit hurdle and still be Queen while I'm going through it. I'm not going to allow an asshole that was only a temporary in my life to fuckin' make me scared or lose my happiness. Bring it, mother fucker!

Not only am I a fuckin' badass, but my support system that has my back keeps growing. People that stick with you, through the good and the bad, no matter what. Not temporary bitches that don't know what it takes to be a decent person. People who actually love me & want the best for me. My People.

I was a crackhead last night (not actually dumbshits, just mead and weed) and moved my bed to the far corner of my room... it's supposed to be Zen. In all honesty, its so I only have to worry about protecting one side of me, while I sleep, or I'm in my space. Fuckin' sad that I think this way.

I try to put on a brave face. I'm slowly but surely getting my life back, but I'm way more jumpy than normal lately and as I edit this four years later for the new website, I am still a lot more jumpier than before. PSTD is a bitch. (Those of you who know me or who've worked with me and seen me in my zone know what I'm talking about. Newbies: I'm always jumpy!!! So its saying something when I am more jumpy than normal.)

This dude, mother fucker POS, he is still, as to this day he is still, putting women through shit & allowed to do so. The justice system is FUCKED........do you not realize the years & years of me building my fuckin' wall made it that much stronger. Not only to protect myself, but to protect my batcave and my people. You may win a battle, but I will win this war. I will come out stronger and victorious because I refuse to believe that evil triumphs over good. Karma will show you her wrath in time. I just have to believe that because if bad overcomes good, what is the point?

I knew that I wanted to advocate for women, mental illness, and minorities in my blog, but this situation is bringing to light more and more the audience that I most want to reach out to. Those who feel unsafe in their own home or to be themselves, those who are too afraid to speak their truth, & those who have been hurt at the hands of someone else. Who has had whatever was their normal be disrupted by another person who is so unhappy with themselves that they try to destroy others? I want to hear your story and what you did to overcome it.

What do y'all think? Let me know situations you've been in where good or evil triumphed and how you navigated your way through new trauma.

Sorry for the short post today, been trying to find more time to write, but with stress overload, I just want to shut off my brain. I get that it's not productive for my blog, but it is for my sanity.

Bye, babes! Thank you for taking the time to read.

🖤💋💨