Beware of Energy Vampires: Loving Yourself Enough to Set Healthy Boundaries

Flavor of the Day: Vapor Apricot Cart

Not too long ago, I became aware of the term "energy vampire," & I thought of how fitting it was for some of the people in my life & how literally just being around them drained my energy because it was all take & never give on their end. Some people just expect more of me than I can provide, especially when they're the ones literally sucking the life out of me. I have a lot of people who I give a lot to, & very few that I give my everything to, but I am making steps to either eliminate or decrease interactions I have with certain energy vampires in my life. If I get exhausted just being around a certain energy, so much that it drains me, then I don't want to be around that energy very often. Don't get me wrong, they can be a great person & still be an energy vampire.

I've had people who will talk, & talk, & talk about themselves and their issues until they can't breathe, only to take a breath & continue to talk about themselves, not once trying to have a two-sided conversation. Like Toby Keith says, "I love talking about you usually, but occasionally, I wanna talk about me." There have been times when I sat through a whole car ride with someone who just word-vomited their frustrations & their drama on the way to an event. Not once did they ask, "How are you? How have you been? How's life?" So, I went into the event already drained & having to socialize more, only to have the drive home with this same person being exhausting. This same person has frequently vented to me nonstop without once asking how I was. You know what I did? I stopped asking how she was doing & guess what? Now, we rarely talk. Anytime I did try to vent myself or even try to talk about things going on in my life, the conversation would quickly be directed back to them & their drama, constantly & boy, is their life full of drama. There's hardly a minute that something wasn't going on in their life that ended up in chaos at that time. Who knows, their drama may have calmed down eventually, but I wouldn't know. Kind of how I feel like 2024 has been for me, but at least I actively try not to make everything about me.

I have someone in my life who only reaches out when they want something, or they want to bitch about something & never just to catch up. They get upset because they feel "left out," yet they don't show any effort to remain a constant in my life. I have been the first one to reach out in this relationship, as well as others. I am so grateful to those who reach out to me the same way I reach out to them. I have been the one who included others, but when it comes time for my invite, nothing. (Let's be real, I probably didn't want to go anyway, but that's beside the point.) I've always been one to pour into those who pour into me, but I also have a past of giving others more effort than they deserve. All relationships are a mutual effort & if I'm seeing none, then I'm done wasting my energy trying to have people in my life see me. I'm done giving my power to energy-draining vampires. Life is crazy & I don't have the capacity for those who constantly drain me.

I've resolved to spend as little time with energy vampires as possible & I can tell you, life is a lot happier when you are selective with who you spend your time with & how you spend your time. Yes, there will be times when you have to be in the vicinity of those who are so wrapped in their own ego & their life that they have no regard or respect for what you are going through. There will be times when you're that person, but what I want everyone to get from this is, "Do better." Reflect on your relationships & how you'd like to allocate your time with people or if you want to just back off completely.

There are people who literally just drain you by being around them, whether it's all drama, they only speak about themselves or turn everything you try to talk about into something about them. There are people who are so toxic that you feel utterly tired after being around them. Pay attention to your body & pay attention to who's an energy vampire. How do you want to spend your time? I'm not sorry for not wanting to spend time with people who drain me or make me unhappy with every interaction. I'm not sorry for being picky with who I spend time with. My time is just as valuable as yours & if you don't see it, then no need to waste it on you. Just the same, if you're someone who adds value to my life, I am eternally grateful to you, even if I suck at showing it.

Additionally, be self-aware enough to recognize when you're possibly being an energy vampire yourself. If you need to vent, vent, but then ask about the other person. Let them talk to you without interruption, and be their sounding board just as much as you need them to be. Most importantly, ask them, "How are you?" It's really a simple thing that not enough people take the time to genuinely ask & fully listen to the response.

Setting boundaries. I'm in my 30s & I'm just now learning how to set my own boundaries, as well as learning what my boundaries are, even respecting others' boundaries. Toxic is when someone doesn't respect boundaries, regardless of the situation. I have family members who don't respect my boundaries, and they even argue when I vocalize them. That's not their place, regardless of whether they are family or not. They wonder why they are not at the top of my list of people I want to see, let alone spend more than a few hours with. Well, quite frankly, because I'm not heard or respected. Voicing your boundaries should not become an argument, EVER. Learn to listen & respect others when they tell you their limits. Other people's capacity or boundaries aren't for you to argue, disregard, or disrespect.

Just remember to be wary of energy vampires, distance yourself, protect your peace at all costs, & most importantly, love yourself enough to set healthy boundaries. You never realize how much you treasure it until it is almost taken away from you. You also have to be adult enough to check yourself, don't argue someone else's boundary that they set in place, don't be an energy vampire yourself. Take the time to ask about the people you care about when you can.

🖤💋💨