They Fucking Show Up: Learning Who Your People Are (Revisited)

Flavor of the Day: Surpernova Greasy Runtz flower rolled into a pre-roll

Music Vibes: SIXX:AM - Skin

When I originally wrote this, a now ex-friend had posted a very heartfelt post about people showing up, and it got me thinking about my people who have shown up and how grateful I am for them. Not to take away from how much that post touched me or the love I felt through it, I need to appreciate my own people who show up. Through the times I've felt lonely, or the times I was completely clueless as a parent and just doing the best I could, different faces showed up for me.

There’s a reason I keep my circle small—they’ve proven time and time again that they will show up. They cheer me on when I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. They don’t disturb my peace, so their homes are safe spaces when I don’t feel like being in mine. My people love me for everything I am—the asshole who loves unconditionally & the smartass who would do anything to make someone smile. My people love me for just being me, my crazy, awkward self. They show up and support my wild ideas, even if I’m onto the next wild idea a month later.

I've had people show up to help me move because I was too broke to hire professionals. I've had people show up when I've needed extra love, and they've shown me how to love myself. I have people think I'm worthy of their love even though I have no fucking clue why, but I figure I'd better start fucking earning that. These people are mighty and such a blessing for the world to have, and if they love me, even when shit hits the fan (even literally), then I can fucking love myself. (For a while, literally every time I went to ND's house, I would take a mean stinky poo within the first 20 min. Love you guys!) And they love me, even though my shit stinks.

I get love and constructive feedback, but I don't get judgment. I get those who have helped me parent when I was done doing double duty. I've helped others the same way when they needed it, and they allow it—even though our parenting styles are different—because they know I mean no harm to their child. I have people who drive my daughter when I’m sick or grieving—and yes, even when I’ve gotten too stoned to drive—and they don’t judge me. I have people who know I’m a pothead, yet they trust me with their kids because they know I’d never put them in danger. They know they can trust me to be a DD when I say I am, because I want them to be safe, too. They support me when I say, "I need to stop drinking or take a break from smoking to be sober. They trust me when I say "I'm good," or they remove temptation when I ask them to. I had someone quickly write a supportive note before her workday for a scary hearing I had to attend. I had a situation where I called her crying as someone was screaming at me & law enforcement was being called for trying to get a psycho out of my house. I called the last person I texted, so someone, anyone, could hear what I was going through with this psycho. This same person took in my dog for a few months when I couldn’t keep him where I was staying, just so I didn’t have to find another home for him.

The right people fucking show up. No excuses.

Through all the chaos, you start learning who your people are—the faces that show up without hesitation, the ones who make you feel safe, seen, and loved. I have people who have every faith that I'm not going to fuck up when I have every faith that I'm absolutely going to, and I'm guna fuck up royally because I'm a Queen. They show up & support me the best way they can, cheering me on when I’m ready to give up. I have people who celebrate my successes as if they were their own—and I do the same. I have people who want to make up after a fight because they value me as much as I value them.

When you’re lonely or in a dark spot, look for those faces. Tell them you need them, and I promise they will show up however they can, if they are truly your people. Yes, there are shit people in the world, but there are so many phenomenal people, too—they show you who they are. Stop overlooking the signs and allow them to show up for you. Appreciate them, because some people don’t have anyone who shows up. Reach out to your people when you need them, and be there for them as much as you can when they need you.

To everyone who shows up for me & Daughter… from the bottom of my black heart, I thank you. I’ll never be able to show you all the appreciation I have for you in one lifetime. Stay you, be the person you want to be, and know that you’re beautiful to me. (Little Rascal’s Alfalfa tune to Darla starts in my head.)

So when you’re figuring out who your real friends are, just know: They fucking show up.

Thank you for reading, from the bottom of my black heart. 🖤 If you want to keep sharing this journey with me, subscribe so we can keep lifting each other up, one messy, beautiful moment at a time.

🖤💋💨