Summer Must-Read: '40 is the New F-Word' – A Bold Collaboration with Mandi Shelly

Flavor of the Day: Watermelon Martini

It's a lovely summer day as I pull into Bonefish Grill in Richland, Washington & see strutting in with red wedges, the cutest outfit of a black skirt with a bright blue tank top covered with a smart black cardigan, & red lips that matched mine, is the bombshell I recognize to be Mandi Shelly, owner of The Runway Esthetics & phenomenal author of this Summer's must-read book, 40 is the New F-word. I feel like I know Mandi through Meg, the book's main character, & that we're already close girlfriends. I roll down my window & yell, "Hey sexy, lady!" Mandi's huge smile is inviting & I am even more thrilled to meet her in person & ask her my interview questions.

As we sit at the table, we are fast friends, we get our drinks & make sure to take a selfie like a lot of girlfriends do. As awkward as I am, I took a great picture but ended up spilling my drink all over, thankfully barely missing Mandi. "Way to go, Ash, be cool," I tell myself as I'm fangirling over this badass woman across from me.

"Be cool" is a phrase I told myself a lot through the interview, as I handled a few technical difficulties, took forever to decide what I wanted to eat, & internally panicked throughout the interview when I realized my laptop wasn't fully charged & we didn't have a power port nearby, but Mandi was the kind, patient & fun, person she appears to be on social media & didn't make me feel bad about it. Through all of my mishaps, I will hopefully be prepared for the next interview, this was still such a fun experience to have. I admire Mandi & know that she will move mountains in such a positive, empowering way.

So sit back & have a watermelon martini with us, & enjoy getting to know Mandi as much as I did. If you need some background jams, like we had at Bonefish, go to Spotify to check out Meg's playlist at: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7kXlaRO8ExNqcO5VntQW44?si=a893296c099d4171

A: Am I your first official interview?

M: For the book, yes. (Ash does a happy dance.)

A: Men & women alike would benefit from reading this book. Men can get some pretty great tips on being an amazing lover & man to the women in their lives. Women, if they're like me, will be so engrossed in the story that they feel like they are a part of it, laughing, crying, pulling out that vibrator during some of those steamy scenes, & listening to Meg's Soundtrack, being a part of Meg's life. The story is written very beautifully & I hope you're proud of producing such an aspiring book.

M: Yes! I worked very hard on it & I have a great team that helped me!

A: 40 is the New F-Word is such a fantastic title & I love the fearless cover of the book, depicting how bold the topics are. You talk about wine, weed, sex, cancer scares, heartbreak & many things people don't like to talk about. What made you finally decide to move forward like the beautiful badass you are & essentially tell your story to the world?

M: I started a Podcast around the time of COVID with the intention of talking freely about all things like you do when you're in your 40s. Because of what I do for a living, women tell me everything & I wanted that honesty of that private moment of water cooler talks, so the podcast was about women talking freely. Somebody came to me saying I should do a sitcom of 40 is the New F-word because that was the name of the podcast. We started writing the sitcom/screenplay. I knew I had this story & I knew I wanted it to be in 3 sections, falling apart, "year of yes", which was fun, but what I didn't have yet was the falling in love, but it didn't have to be my story. I just knew I wanted the character to fall in love with herself & with someone else. Then Vionette & I sat down & started writing. I wanted to be relatable & really vulnerable & honest so people can read & be like, "Hey, this does happen. This is real life. Let's not have so much goddamn judgment." Women are so hard on each other & have so goddamn judgment to each other for everything & for no reason.

A: When you began the idea of this writing journey, what did you hope for in regard to your readers?

M: I wanted my readers to be able to get lost in the journey, to relate, or to feel empowered if they were struggling with something in their life. (It sure worked for me!) whether weight issues, sex issues, or dating somebody bad, I wanted to make sure they're not alone in that journey of how they feel.

A: Meg is relatable to me in so many ways, especially making jokes at inopportune moments. Off the top of your head, can you think of the worst joke you made at the wrong time?

(Mandi & I laugh together.)

M: Oh my god, there are so many! I can't think of one, I do it so naturally. It probably has something to do with sex, a date, or something weird to make it less awkward. I can't actually recall. There are so many! I feel like with the trauma in our life, my sister having cancer, our whole family, you either cry or you laugh. You're going to do both, but you can't be stuck in that. Humor is a big deal to me.

This is where Mandi & I took a short break to eat our delicious food & shared fries as if we were long-time girlfriends already comfortable doing so. Visiting, enjoying the company of a kindred spirit, the food, & the music playing overhead.

A: It was fun to see all of the local places that Meg & her crew would go to have their get-togethers. It made me want to try them.

M: Yeah, a lot of people locally got a big kick out of that. We should do a 40 is the New F-Word tour, where we go around to each place.

A: You can play the playlist!

M: That'd be so fun, I can rent a bus & make it an empowerment thing. I do want to do a 40 is the New F-Word retreat. It's on my list to get together in the next few years...... although I'll be 50 by then! (She palms her head & looks at the ceiling, laughing.) I started this journey at 40.

A: Another book!

M: I tell people, the book is 3 years, but in real life, it's 8.

A: I was wondering how long it took.

A: The book captured sisterhood beautifully, especially blood sisters. I believe every woman should have a strong group of supportive women at their side. How do you make sure those relationships stay healthy & active?

M: Honestly, I'm a pretty damn good friend, I check in, I call, I send messages, I'm not needy, and if we don't talk for a while, we could pick up right where we left off. It's about not being judgmental & listening. It's where you're going in different directions to still come together again. You gotta be a good friend to have good friends. Do you know what I mean?

A: Yes! For sure. Keep the good people around.

M: Yes. Some friends will come & go. Sometimes you outgrow, they'll outgrow you, sometimes you come back together, sometimes you don't. Most of my friends, I've had for years & years. There's been a few that come & go & you're just ok with it.

A: I love how Meg's story has real-life experiences with your life & people. I know some of the people, so they were who I pictured when reading the book. You posted on FB that you had specific actors in mind when writing this book, which originally started as a screenplay. Who were the top 4 & why them?

M: Heather McMahan has always had to be Meg. She HAS to be Meg. I have looked & looked & looked for 4 years. I needed to find a woman, loud, funny, sexy, & a little thick is a really fucking hard thing to do. You can find heavy white girls in Hollywood, but all they can be is funny, they're very rarely shown as somebody who is sexy. I feel like that is such a disservice. Skinny girls can be fucking hilarious, too, right? I feel like she has to be; she's the only one that I could picture & I've looked so hard. I could go into the black actresses & find a ton that I would love to represent Meg because, in that culture, sexuality & being thick are so embraced. It's beautiful. I wish the white culture would jump on that bandwagon. (I hum & nod in agreement.)

Christina Applegate for Jo-Jo, the biggest reason is if you read Christina Applegate's story, she's had breast cancer, she's had MS, & a lot of life struggles & uses sarcasm & snarkiness. Who fits better for Jo-Jo than that?!

I haven't really pinpointed for everyone else. For Eddie, I had a couple. I'm more open to those, those two would be the sisters, having the comedian appeal too, so they're the two I've always pictured & I will be sending them each a book!

We just need hot men for the guys.

For Molly, Melissa McCarthy.

A: I was thinking she should be in it, too!

M: Yeah, that's who Molly wants to have play her.

For Sophia-Sandra Bullock or Kate Blanchet. I would want someone to play that earthy hippy type. When I think of Sandra, I think she could play that. She could play a badass, as well as have a sweet side like Sophia. She was a badass but still hippy.

A: Has Netflix or any other companies taken the bite yet? If not, they should! This would be such a heartwarming, phenomenal series to binge-watch. It almost gives me risqué Sweet Magnolia vibes.

M: No, because we haven't pushed it. When we went to put it on the writers guild, the writer's strike happened, so the book happened. Now that we have written the book, we will start pushing both things.

A: It's going to happen. I just know it.

M: I do, too! We can visualize it like I've always visualized it.

A: I'll be like, I've got a signed copy of the book!

M: You'll be, "I got the first interview!"

A: Yeah!!

(We both giggle, manifesting our dreams.)

A: I admire your entrepreneurial badassness. What advice would you give new business owners?

M: Be consistent, work every day at something that you want, EVERY DAY, & choose something that you love.

A: What's your most memorable story of being an esthetician?

M: The one with the character Tommy, where he really did bite me. He was so distraught about it & he kept sweating. I never laughed so hard during a wax in my entire life. You also have scary stuff that happens during the wax, & you get to have heartfelt facials, where people cry and feel great when they leave. They really feel confident. Those are my moments.

There was one moment that was so traumatizing I thought, "This is where in my at in my life, I'm waxing buttholes & vaginas. I never thought that this would be what I would do & make as much money as I make." I had this wax client, where I put the strip on, & went to flick it. I guess she had started her period, so when I flicked it, there was blood on the strip & some flicked on my forehead. (This is where she had me dying laughing. I'm glad I recorded the interview!) I had to keep my composure because she didn't know what was going on, and I was freaking out. "What if it went in my eye, what if I would have been talking." I lost my mind for a minute.

People always worry about the vagina, if it smells or something. We have great pH unless there's something really wrong. It's the butts. If people aren't focusing on that, it can be an issue. Those are memorable things, but the majority of it is positive.

I'd say the funniest is truly the time with the Tommy character because it was the sweating & how he just stood up & bit me like he didn't know what to do. It was so funny.

A: I've never gotten a wax, but I have always wanted one. The way Meg soothes her new customers is comforting & I hope to find an aesthetician like her for my first one. I never thought of it as helping women & men gain confidence. What made you decide to be an esthetician & build a business off of it?

M: You can come to me! I started working at another salon as a Spa manager/marketer, I did front desk. I fell in love with the esthetics of the spa site and management. I was blessed to be able to go to the spa classes, so even though I wasn't an esthetician or massage therapist, I was in management. I was teaching people & making sure they were doing the right thing. I got engrossed in that education, and I loved it! Oh my god, I loved it. The waxing not so much, but the facials. When I went back to school, I had a knack for waxing, the biggest reason is how comfortable I make women feel. I became very fast & very efficient, & I think it empowers women. It empowers you to feel sexy. The facial part makes you feel good, loved, & touched. I love it!

A: Deangelo reminds me so much of my ex, and it is terrible that these guys get away with so much. Flashbacks of that horror story came up while reading about him. What would you say to women who are experiencing a relationship with a narcissist?

M: I wish I would have known what I know now, but you don't know what you don't know. The biggest thing is to not isolate yourself. Talk about all your shit to your people, they're going to remind you how terrible things are. It's hard to get out. I wasn't in it very long, but if you're young, naive, insecure, and don't have a strong tribe, I see how it can happen. There used to be judgment, I used to have this judgment of "Why would you fuckin' stay?"

A: I did too.

M: It's really hard when you're in it. You don't always see the forest through the trees, it's really hard. Stay busy, be strong in your own beliefs, & rely on your people. Your friends will be patient, they'll talk to you about it. You know, when I was in it, I knew. You can read that Meg knows, but I am very stubborn & prideful. It was like, "Fuck you." In real life, I didn't take Deangelo to court. I wanted to, but everyone told me to let go of that energy. I wanted him to get a taste of his own medicine, so in the book, it was great redemption.

A: I know, tragically, cancer has had its ugly hold on your family & I'm so sorry for each of your struggles with it. #fuckcancer What advice would you give to those going through the process of diagnosis, treatment, & all the emotions that go with it?

M: Since I didn't have cancer, like my sister, mother, or grandmother, but I did get the genetic testing. There's having that choice of getting your breast removed. Do your own research, and be your own advocate. You don't have to accept "no". Research it, there are beautiful Drs. like the one in New Orleans, that can really give you a beautiful set of boobs. You just have to do the research yourself, that's the biggest. It's ok to be attached to your boobs, it's ok to love them. I used to love my boobs, I still love my boobs. They were a big part of me. But to know there are options. Rely on tribe, family, spirituality, faith, whatever it is & honestly, know that whatever happens, we learn, we grow, & we can educate. Make sure you're taking care of yourself.

A: Additionally, what advice would you give loved ones trying to help through the process?

M: Rely on community, research cancer communities, rely on friends.

Resources on page 457 of 40 is the New F-Word:

Cancer for Restorative Breast Surgery

(504) 576-0966 or Breastcenter.com

Diamond Academy w/ Kathleen Cameron - kathleencameronofficial.com

A: As a curvy, plus-sized woman, I love how Meg was completely confident in her own body but still had the insecurities that haunted her, & she was able to work through them to be a more confident, beautiful badass. What would you tell women that aren't fully secure in their own bodies?

M: I still struggle with it still, (me too!) I have been very mean to myself in my life. (Unfortunately, most women have.) I constantly give myself this pep talk. When I have a certain outfit on, or I'm in my element, I could really go, "Yeah!" Dress up, dress how it makes you feel sexy when you feel & look good. It oozes that, hang out with people who talk nice to you, talk kind to yourself when you can & try to tell that unkind person in the mirror to shut up. When you look in the mirror, you don't love everything about yourself but respect everything about you. Be grateful. Focus on what you love & start talking to those parts. I like my lips, my eyes, my hair, but I don't like my inner thighs. Why am I focusing on my damn inner thighs?! We are our biggest worst critic. What helps me when I am out in the world is I polish up nicely. If you're having a frumpy day & you're going to feel frumpy. You have to do whatever works for you, but when you feel you're best, you're nicer to people, you ooze it & people approach you differently. I know when I feel like shit, I ooze that, like, "Eww, don't come talk to me."

A: Where can I find myself a Mr. O?

M: I found him on Tinder. I didn't know he was a Mr. O I got lucky & manifested that shit. No lie, I read tantric, dom/submissive books. I read about it, but I hadn't really explored that. He came into my world but never said he was, was discreet about it; it was really cool how that evolved because I think if you typed that in, you might get some freaks. (no judgment) I think I manifested that, I read shit, & I was constantly thinking about it.

A: Seriously, I feel her pain with the online dating process; you seem to kiss more frogs than princes. I'm glad Meg had some great moments, as well. What would be your key takeaway from the whole dating process?

M: That you learn more about yourself during dating than anything. Learn triggers, what you're willing to put up with or not, you learn what you're attracted to, you learn your insecurities. When you're single, not permanently, but dating people really opens your eyes to what you want, what you need, what you're attracted to. Then, you have to dig deep into why. Why did I date Deangelo? Because I didn't want to deal with any of my own shit. You find out good stuff, too, same with sex, but it's empowering them. I know religion & old belief systems that don't serve anymore really frown upon the sex thing with women. If you would have found that I would have been with Eddie the whole time, beautiful, right, but I wasn't.

When you explore your other lovers & yourself, your likes, and your kinks, you learn a ton of good stuff about yourself. If you get that partner & get to be with them, that's beautiful, but not all of us get that opportunity. I have always been so fascinated with relationships & sex. I'm a really easy first date; all of them think it's the best first date ever because I'm easy to talk to & I'm not awkward. I'm not going to like you at all, but I'm not going to mistreat you. I just might not talk to you again after this.

If you use dating as a tool to hear what people say, you get so much.

A: Yeah, you get some fun experiences too!

M:When you open yourself up to it, the universe tells you ok.

A:I feel like I've been open to it for a while & the universe keeps telling me, "Not yet, lady!" (We both laugh, but secretly, I cry a little inside as I laugh.)

A: How has dating changed for you since your first dating experience after the divorce? M: That's tough, I've dated a lot, then found Lane. Between Eddie & Lane I was finding myself, finding what I liked, what I didn't like, who I wanted. After Lane, I know who I am and what I want, so I think dating will be harder now. I have established everything now.

A: Do you have tips for writers who aim to write a book?

M: Yes. Find your why. Write a little bit as much as you can, write ideas, & find an accountability buddy. It's really hard to do without one of those. Life gets in the way, it can take years & years & years if you don't have that. Having accountability it works. Its a big process, whether you want to just write a book or to help change a bunch of people's lives. It's not a ton of money, it's a why. I'm not doing it for my story because it's not a memoir. I want women to enjoy this journey and to feel not alone in the world that Hollywood has made them feel like. My why has kept me going, and my why has kept me consistent. The why heals the little girl in me who struggled with weight. If you can heal other people, you can heal yourself.

A: Having a playlist to go along with the book was a brilliant idea.

M: Thank you, I was really proud of it.

A: It makes you feel like you're a part of the book. I couldn't listen while reading the book, but I would listen on breaks, taking the shower, writing questions for this interview, etc.

M: Did you get the picture, like how she was feeling & what was happening in the book?

A: YES!!! How did you come up with that idea & how long did it take you to create the perfect playlist?

M: I don't know if you're a lyric girl, or not, but. All of the words of the music are very impactful. They have to do with the story. I came up with it while writing the screenplay. The original book had 75 songs a beta reader said that was too many songs. So, we condensed it to 27. That was the hardest part for me because I loved all of them. Music is a big part of me. I have a playlist for every year of my emotions. I can go back to those songs & relive what was happening. I just took the highlights, the songs that were really highlighted in those emotions.

A: Is there anything big coming up for Meg?

M: We are going to be focusing hard on marketing the book and getting it into the right hands so the screenplay can happen. I might start writing a book 2... Didn't think it would happen; it's like asking someone if they want to try again after giving birth. Now I feel like there is room, and there may be a part 4 & 5 vision.

A: I love hearing that!!

A: What's next for you?

M: Travel around & do a book club for ladies; I'm super excited for that. I do want to be a guest speaker for women's seminars & empowerment seminars.

A: I have a lot of friends that prefer to listen to their books, do you have any plans to make an audio version?

M: No, as of now, no. It doesn't mean it won't happen. audio is expensive to do. Audio is expensive to do. I personally hate them unless I can get people to act out the parts, I hate just hearing one voice. (Who wants to volunteer?!)

A: Lastly, I appreciate you collaborating with me & discussing the book with me! What made you want to collaborate with Beautiful Disaster Lit?

M: I just think no matter who asks you, if someone is excited, I'm excited. You were excited. You've shown your support. You never know when the right people are going to come into your life & open opportunity. It's all an opportunity

As Mandi & I started packing up to go, Give Me the Beat Boys by The Doobie Brothers started playing on the radio & we sang along & bobbed our heads together. I walk out grateful for this opportunity & feeling like I was just a part of those tableside talks with Meg & her friends. We hug, & she jets off to her next adventure.

Thank you all for reading. Please rush to buy either the digital or physical copy of 40 is the New F-Word! The digital copy is only $4.69, but the physical book is still a reasonable price at $14.69! Yes, Mandi was intentional about those numbers. You won't regret it!

LINKS:

Amazon: https://a.co/d/01vGPPnh

FB:

40 is the New F-Word

The Runway Esthetics

What PNW writers, artists, or entrepreneurs would you like to be featured on Beautiful Disaster Lit?

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