Because: Ramping Up Your Affirmations Game
- Willow Williams
- Apr 25, 2024
- 4 min read
Well, am I glad it is mid-April! It's warmer, sunnier, friendly, and not March! I had a rough go of it last month. Check out my previous five posts if you want a mini soap opera to read before bedtime.
But now, onward!
One of the things that got me through March 2024 was my daily affirmation practice. We've all heard this phrase "affirmations" thrown around in recent years as part of the practice of mindfulness. But what does "affirmations" really mean, and how do I translate them into every day life? And do they really work, c'mon son, for real?
Man, I miss Pysch…
At any rate, let's define affirmations, shall we? everydayhealth.com defines them as "… phrases that, when repeated regularly, can change negative thoughts and behavior patterns... They can be said aloud or to yourself. These statements are usually intended to help shift thinking from negative to positive, motivate an action, reduce stress, persevere through difficult times, and increase self-confidence and well-being." (1) The whole article is excellent on explaining the practice and science behind affirmations, so check it out if you want more details.
Translation? A mini pep talk you give to yourself regularly. I like to start my day with so I am in a good mindset from the get-go. Other people put theirs on sticky notes in their spaces to remind themselves of them regularly. Or write them on their bathroom mirror with a dry erase marker. Some people use them as the mantra of their meditation practice. And I'm sure there are many other ways I haven't even thought of. Whatever works best for your personal taste and learning style is how you should use them. I hate clutter, so NO sticky notes for me!
So we've briefly talked about the what and the how, but what I really want us to focus on here is the content of our affirmations. They should be short, sweet, and to the point. I will use mine as examples.
The daily affirmations I write in my journal (almost) every morning are:
I am a good person.
I am a wonderful Ma, GMa, daughter, sister, aunt, and friend.
I am a successful and influential business woman.
I am financially stable.
I am beautiful and healthy, inside and out.
Pretty good, right?
I thought so too until I read a little of "Coffee Self-Talk: 5 Minutes a Day to Start Living Your Magical Life" by Kristen Helmstetter. (2) Overall, the book was a lottle too rah-rah for my tastes so I didn't make it very far. Before I tapped out though, I did get one very important thing from it. A small tweak to affirmations that make a huge difference. The word "because".
Using my first affirmation as fodder, let's ramp up my affirmations game. "I am a good person because…"
Hey now… Well.. Umm…
Finishing that sentence was a little unsettling for me at first. I had to ask myself why am I a good person, and I didn't like it. What specifically makes me a good person? No pressure. No pressure at all…
So I started simple. "I am a good person because I let the mom with three kids go in front of me in the grocery line." "I am a good person because I always take time to talk to my neighbor when checking the mail." "I am a good person because I didn't cut the a** off yesterday that darted through all the lanes."
See what I mean? Mind. Blown.
For me, it was like night and day. I am a good person, and I can write that all day long in my journal. But then qualifying it with an example drives the point home even better and makes me think about what does it really mean to be a good person.
Then I got more serious and in depth. "I am a good person because I listen without judgement when my friends talk to me about their problems." "I am a good person because I treat my clients with respect." "I am a good person because I am as plastic-neutral as possible." (The last one might seem silly to some, but for me it is HUGE.)
There's a time and place for the simpler ones, and a time and place for the deeper ones. I tend to use the simpler ones on a more daily rah-rah basis, and the deeper ones for when I'm really going through something rough. The main one I used in March 2024 was "I am a wonderful Ma, GMa, daughter, sister, aunt, and friend because I am there when my people need me, HOW they need me, regardless of what's happened in the past."
A caveat here. I was tempted to make my March 2024 affirmation about my ex. Something like "…because I'm there when my people need me, unlike their father..." Nope. I had to tell myself, "Don't do that. Don't go there. Leave that negativity in the past where it belongs. You don't want to undo all the work you've put in, now do you, Willow." Now that was HARD, but worth it, and a victory in its own right.
So do affirmations work? For me, they help tons. There's evidence all over the interwebs that they help, and evidence that they are also a load of bunk. All I can tell you is to try it and see. Start with a simple daily "I am ___ because ___." If it doesn't work, not much time lost and sticky notes are cheap. But if it does, you just might be the better because of it. Pun intended.
P.S. Thanks for putting up with my Psych obsession. If you haven't watched it, you need to!
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