The Friday (and one Monday) Chronicles Part Three: Caring for Aging Parents

Here is part three of the Friday Chronicles series. I'm not entirely sure these (now) five articles will have any feel-good, helpful advice when it's all said and done. They've been therapy sessions for me, so if that's not your cup of tea, I'll see you in two weeks. I hope at the very least, someone will relate and say, "That's how I feel/felt! I'm glad I'm not the only one." That will be a win in my book.

Here are links to the previous parts:

Part One: https://www.beautifuldisasterlit.com/post/the-friday-and-one-monday-chronicles-part-one

Part Two: https://www.beautifuldisasterlit.com/post/the-friday-and-one-monday-chronicles-part-two

Part Two Point Five: https://www.beautifuldisasterlit.com/post/21st-century-romantic-relationships

It's finally time to talk about the one day of the week that didn't fall into March pattern properly, Monday, March 11th, 2023.

I had slept soooooooooooooooo good that Sunday night. I had taken an extra sleep medication that I take when I really need to crash, so I was out, with a capital O U T. When my alarm went off at 7:00, I still wasn't ready to get up, but I rolled over and checked my phone anyway. My phone had exploded with calls, messages, and texts. My mom started asking for help around 2:00 a.m. Luckily, my daughter woke up with my grandson at 4:00 a.m. and called an ambulance. I called my daughter, got the scoop, and frantically headed to the hospital.

For privacy's sake, I am not going to say much about the medical issues my mom was having. I will say, though, that she is much better now, so no need to worry. What I want to talk about is mostly the fallout from this incident, not the incident itself.

First, the absolute GUILT I felt that I didn't wake up to all those calls and messages was huge. My daughter definitely saved the day, but she shouldn't have had to do that alone. I have since set my phone up to ring when it's on 'do not disturb' for certain numbers like my mom's. Still, I felt, well still do, feel terrible I wasn't available when a crisis happened. I know there is nothing I can do about it now, but the guilt remains. I am processing through that.

Second, thank God for family. My mom needed help the next few days, and it was a blessing to have others around to help. My daughter doesn't live in the country but had been visiting, and my sister came down from the west side for a few days. Now that they've all gone home though, I worry about what will happen if my mom has another issue. I'd be mostly on my own, and that's a lot of responsibility and stress. I am going to talk with my mom about a plan if something happens. We know I can't plan for every contingency, but it will help me feel better. I would encourage you to do the same with your loved ones.

Third, this incident, as well as living with my mom for part of last year, has made me realize she needs more help than she asks for. I bet this is the case with a lot of her generation. The delicate balance of being present so I can monitor and help her without demanding she give up her autonomy has begun. I'll admit to being pushy and probably rude for the first couple of weeks after her incident, but I've backed off. But then my mind says I'm not doing enough, then too much, then not enough, and round and round I go. I think the key here is to be open and honest with her, and ask how she would like help, rather than just assume I know what's best for her.

Fourth, you know the adage, doctors make the worst patients, right? Well, my mom is an RN, and while not the worst patient in the world, she was stubborn about some things her doctors told her to do. Please, for the sake of those helping you, listen to your doctor and do what they say. It is so stressful for your adult children to know what you need to do, and you refusing to do it. It's like you're giving up, and that scares us so much. If you get nothing else from this read, remember this paragraph. Please.

Finally, get organized. This goes for all of us, regardless of age. Have a list of medications you take handy so that it can be given to a doctor or EMT if needed. Know where your insurance information is. Give a spare key to your neighbor or a friend in case you can't get to the door. KEEP YOUR PHONE CHARGED and keep it handy. Have a first aid kit readily available, stocked with general meds like ibuprofen and acetaminophen. Keep your important documents and account information together, preferably in a fireproof safe. This article is a great resource for a lot of these items. Be sure to check it out: https://www.joincake.com/blog/caring-for-aging-parents-checklist/.

So let's recap. I was let go from my job, friend-zoned, and my mom has a health emergency all within the first 11 days of March, 2024. And there's still on bad Friday to go! Oh March, 2024. You bastard…

Photo Credit 1: https://unsplash.com/photos/men-walking-on-stairs-GqHnRApyEqg?utm_content=creditShareLink&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash

Photo Credit 2: https://unsplash.com/photos/red-vehicle-in-timelapse-photography-vGu08RYjO-s?utm_content=creditShareLink&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash